was looking out the window of my parents' house when I saw him walking down the middle of the street. He was coming home from the army and was wearing his uniform," Wanda explains. The object of her admiration was Gib, and he was just arriving home from his military service. "I knew when I first saw him that this was the man for me." It was only a few months later that they were married.

Is It Love or the Flu?

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary uses words like appointment and social engagement to describe the act of dating. It also defines a person with whom one has an appointment, usually with romantic overtones, as a date. Interestingly, the appellate court of California in San Francisco found it necessary to define the term "dating relationship:"

... a "dating relationship" refers to serious courtship. It is a social relationship between two individuals who have or have had a reciprocally amorous and increasingly exclusive interest in one another, and shared expectation of the growth of that mutual interest, that has endured for such a length of time and stimulated such frequent interactions that the relationship cannot be deemed to have been casual. (http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/opinions/archive/A085459.PDF)

It bears taking note that the case for which the above-noted definition was written was being tried under the Domestic Violence Protective Act (DVPA) of California. It is no wonder that singles approach the dating process with a combination of bewilderment and apprehension.

In this inwardly focused "Me Generation," how is one supposed to approach the decision of finding a spouse - that life partner whom God has in mind for us? How does one go about finding "Mr. Right" or "Miss Right"?

All too often, couples rush into marriage. They see the ticking of the biological clock as a reason to make a decision quickly - and try to work out the differences later.

Dating has been described as the "Great Deception." It is only natural to put your best face forward when meeting and getting to know people. The problem is that dating is supposed to be a time to get to know who you are dealing with - not who they want you to think they are. This takes time. In the absence of this time, a decision to become "Mr. and Mrs. Right Now" might result in the realization that the butterflies in your stomach and the lightheaded feeling you got when you were near your paramour were the result of a light case of the flu, and not the love you took it for.

Dream or nightmare?

In every generation there has been a dream of how courtship and marriage should play out. Most of them involve a beautiful, chaste lady being carried off into the sunset with her knight in shining armor (or cowboy on his horse, etc.). The common thread has always been that the strong, handsome man comes along and sweeps the beautiful maiden into his arms, and they live happily ever after. Today's society has adjusted the dream from "happily ever after" to "money-back guarantee." The result has been broken vows, broken hearts, and broken families. The dream of "Mr. and Mrs. Right" has turned into the nightmare of failed marriages.

How can believers go about avoiding the pitfalls of "dating" and still find the person God has for them?

When we hear the phrase, "wait on God," most of us automatically go on the defensive. Add finding the right mate to that, and terms like "biological clock" and "not getting any younger" start going through our minds. We must realize that this is a result of the culture in which we live in many countries. In today's world of computers, microwave ovens, and drive-thru restaurants, everything moves fast. Consequently, we expect our search for a suitable mate to move just as fast.

There are places now where people can participate in a process called "speed dating." This involves a group of singles who move from table to table at an event, dating a new person every eight minutes. We have replaced developing relationships with dancing in the moonlight.

The first step in finding Mr. or Miss Right is to build a firm foundation through relationships - and the first relationship to establish is with God. God told his people in Jeremiah 29:11-13 that when we have the relationship right with him, he will guide us in all other aspects of our lives. ("For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - verse 11) However, there is a catch. God says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (verse 13)

This relationship with God involves communication that fosters fellowship. The same is true of the relationship between a man and a woman. When the "I do's" are done and the wedding gifts are unwrapped and put away, they each need to know how to talk to their new spouse. This ability to communicate is cultivated during the dating period.

The dictionary defines fidelity as the quality or state of being faithful. In other words, it is a conscious act. This quality begins before we ever start dating. Rebecca St. James wrote a song entitled, "Wait for Me." The words to this song are a beautiful picture of sexual purity, not only before marriage, but also after the ceremony. The psalmist put it this way, "Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word." (Psalm 119:37)

Looking for answers

There is no shortage of people and organizations that would be more than happy to tell couples how to structure their dating process. Fortunately, churches all over America are stepping up to this responsibility. "We need to reinforce the fact that these aren't just pretty words that a bride and groom recite and that we hear a preacher say during a ceremony. There really is the spiritual dimension of two becoming one. This is a covenant with God, not just a legal ceremony." Jerry Zucha, senior pastor of Firewheel Church in Texas.

This church has a structured premarital counseling process that includes the use of the Prepare/Enrich relationship inventory. This series of 165 questions is given to both parties involved to fill out. The inventory is then sent back to Life Innovations, Inc., which evaluates the responses and returns a profile of the couple. This is then used in discussions and counseling.

Watermark Community Church, also in Texas, has developed its own counseling program, but also uses the Prepare/Enrich survey. Their process is eight weeks prior to giving the couple their inventory survey. "Our program is based on the principle that it is easier to prevent than correct. We want to prevent divorce from becoming an option in a marriage. Sometimes this means that the couple decides during the process that they are not meant to marry. When that happens, we rejoice with them just as we would if they became husband and wife." John McGee, Director of Marriage Ministries.

Both churches require completion of the premarital counseling process before a couple can be married at the church. In keeping with their strategy of ministering to the whole person, Watermark also offers an intensive teaching and support mechanism for newly married couples that they call the Foundations Class. Lasting over a year, this small group format class is intended to reinforce the premarital counseling and help the couples begin building a biblically based family.

It is not just large churches that are recognizing the need to help couples understand what dating and marriage is all about. Judd Dickey, senior pastor at Rossville Bible Fellowship in Indiana, has the same policy regarding premarital counseling. He and his wife Katrina agree that it is the duty of the church to teach biblical courtship and marriage. "It takes the proper foundation for a marriage to provide the proper foundation for a family. Kids need to see Christian values in the home as well as in church," explains Katrina.

John McGee notes that one of the problems faced by churches who are trying to stand firm on biblical principles when it comes to dating and marriage is that all churches are not on the same page. "If we tell someone that they have to go through the premarital counseling process, they can just walk down the street and find another church to perform the ceremony," he states. The other pastors relay the same sentiment. But there are signs that this trend is making a turn.

In an unprecedented move, churches are banding together to present a united front on the subject of marriage. Through the use of community-wide agreements, these churches are requiring premarital counseling before they will perform weddings. In many U.S. cities and towns, they have cooperated in developing the basis for the counseling process itself. This has come about as a result of the recognition that today's church can make a difference in preparing couples for marriage.

Gib and Wanda, the couple mentioned in the introduction, just recently celebrated their 60^th wedding anniversary and are just as in love today as they were in 1947 when the preacher married them in his house. They had the advantage of premarital counseling in the home. Both of their parents lived the "till death do us part" kind of love - as did their grandparents and great-grandparents. In today's society, too many people just starting the process of dating have never seen or heard about that kind of love.

The underlying foundation of most churches' premarital counseling is to mentor couples who live godly marriages and are willing to share the good, the bad and the ugly of relationships. They understand that marriage is not a 50/50 proposition as the world would have us believe. Marriage requires 100 percent from both partners - all the time.