erriam-Webster's dictionary defines compatibility as, "getting along and working well together." Janet Moody, LCSW-C, a marriage and family counselor with 28 years' experience, likens compatibility to a dance: "Compatibility is to try to dance without stepping on each other's toes."

First things first

Moody cautions that before identifying whether you and your partner are compatible, it's essential to know yourself well. "Ask yourself, ‘What's important and acceptable to me?' Have your own rationale in your mind. For example, determine if you will use Scripture as your basis for relationships. Be prepared for some incompatibility and decide what you will tolerate and what you cannot live with." Couples who know themselves and their boundaries will be prepared to break it off at the first sign of danger.

Most experts also agree that relationships move too fast. Slowing down and getting a chance to know the other person is essential. "Beginning with a strong friendship can pay off in the end," Moody asserts.

Areas of compatibility

Many areas concerning compatibility exist. This article examines character values, finances, conflict resolution and faith.

"Sometimes we are not a good match and we create a relationship for the wrong reasons. Sometimes values ... differences in relationships cannot be compromised or negotiated," says Dr. Jackie Black, Ph.D., and internationally recognized relationship expert, educator and coach.

Black tells the story of a former female client who was on her second or third date when this woman's date suggested they sneak into the movie theater without paying for a ticket. This dishonesty bothered the client. What Black helped the client unwrap was not the isolated event but the underlying theme or character value violation.

It might not have been a big deal about an $8 ticket, but it certainly was a big deal about a value. This incident caused the woman to then become suspicious. She wondered, where else does he walk on the edge, where else might he not tell the full truth or where else might he not act in integrity? That value was so important to her that she stopped dating him.

Finances

Usually in a relationship one person is a spender and the other is a saver. Recognizing who has which role while dating can prevent a lot of problems if the relationship progresses.

"A main problem, issue and arguing point in marriage surrounds finances. Don't assume everything will work out after the wedding," says Moody.

It is prudent to investigate these differences while dating and communicate any issues that arrive early. Eight credit cards may be a clue to spending habits. If he never has any money unless it's payday, that is a red flag. If she works overtime every weekend so she can pay cash for a new car, that is valuable information. Don't be afraid to ask some questions when the relationship gets serious. Ask: how important is money to you, do you consider yourself a saver or a spender, do you tithe, etc.?

Conflict resolution

Conflict is a normal, natural part of any relationship. Compatibility does not mean lack of conflict but, rather, the ability to handle disagreements in a way that is mutually beneficial and affirming to both parties.

One dating couple had their first big argument because she didn't like his best friend. After dating for several weeks Dana (all names have been changed) finally said, "How can you be friends with that jerk?" Reflecting now, she realizes she could have been more tactful.

Her then-boyfriend Charlie's response was equally destructive - he totally ignored the comment. He took offense to Dana's characterization but said nothing. Dana started yelling and a fight escalated. In the middle of the argument, Dana began throwing items from her purse: first a pack of gum, then a lipstick and finally her cell phone. Charlie's response was to leave the house. Later she called and apologized. They continued dating without ever discussing the incident again.

This couple ended up getting married. Dana still hates Charlie's best friend. They argued a few weeks ago and she threw a lamp at him. Charlie went for a drive. Dana called to apologize, and he came home. Fortunately this couple is now prepared to get some professional help for their conflict-resolution skills.

Charlie and Dana knew early on that they were incompatible in this area. Charlie's tendency to avoid conflict at any cost and Dana's outbursts were evident from the beginning. Their marriage is in trouble now because they didn't address this issue when they were dating.

Dating couples who can work through tough issues and resolve arguments now can prevent future problems with conflict resolution.

Faith

The last, and arguably the most important, area to consider when examining compatibility in dating is faith. The Bible warns in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that Christians not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. That command is quite clear, but it is also possible for two believers to be incompatible in their faith.

Consider someone who has been a believer for one week dating a lifelong Christian. Can they be compatible in areas of faith? Also, couples may want compatibility in areas of prayer, devotions, church attendance and giving. Will we pray together? Will we attend the same church? What about reading the Bible and doing daily devotions? Does he seek God first in major decisions? Couples should know what areas they are willing to compromise on and which are non-negotiable.

What to do about differences

Does incompatibility in values, finances, conflict resolution, faith or any other area mean an end to the relationship? That's a decision each person must make on an individual basis. That is why knowing oneself is the most significant thing to do for a relationship.

In cases of addictions, physical abuse and mental illness, if the person is not willing to get help for the problem, ending the relationship can be the wisest course of action. It's difficult to make relationships work, but adding any of these components without professional help is disastrous.

Ultimately, to know if you are compatible with another, you must have a sense of peace within yourself, the ability to get along and work through tough issues with your partner, and a sense of chemistry in the relationship. Learn to dance trying not to step on your partner's toes and make sure you're both doing the same dance.