ourting. Going steady. Going out. Hooking up. Regardless of what you call them, these relationships that teens and young adult children — and even some of us older adults — experience are all part of the maturing process. As adults, we realize that young romantic liaisons probably won’t last a lifetime. In fact, we’ll likely watch a few boyfriends or girlfriends of our children come and go throughout the years until the choice for husband or wife comes along. But do the teens view these relationships the same way we do? Certainly not.
The love they experience in these relationships seems real to them … at the time. Only a healthy dose of hindsight will prove that these times spent together were part of the growing-up equation. And regardless of the method — a mutual separation or an anxiety-filled parting of the ways — the result is almost always the same. Breaking up is hard to do.
Many Christian parents differ in their feelings about dating. Most allow their teens to date while setting some reasonably strict rules. Others prefer a more fundamental approach, viewing dating or courtship as a precursor only to selecting a spouse.
In his book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Romance & Relationships” (Joshua Harris, Multnomah, Updated Version April, 2003), Pastor Harris suggests that young men and women should associate with one another in groups only. His feeling about serious dating is that it should be for the sole purpose of finding a Christian spouse. A far cry from the media’s overtly liberal approach to dating, his strict philosophy has some valid points that could be used in both Christian and secular dating situations and would certainly serve to improve upon society’s perception of dating in general.
In the book, Harris strongly downplays flirtatiousness, instead urging men of all ages to look upon women as sisters in Christ. He believes defending the honor of women should be a priority in any mixed-gender friendship. What parent wouldn’t look upon eliminating game playing and inappropriate expectations as honorable and healthy for their children who are dating? In fact, what man or woman in a dating or friendship situation wouldn’t welcome traits like these?
If relationships begin with the essential goodness of being brothers and sisters in Christ, healthy feelings can remain even when they part ways.
In a like manner, Harris calls upon young women to guard their honor and virtue. Immodesty plays such a prevalent role in today’s media frenzy and in the dating scene. Scantily clad women and even very young girls are idolized for their public baring of far more than is necessary. Not only is their innocence at stake, but their emotional well-being can suffer as well. Aftershock is almost inevitable, whether immediately — due to a violent sexual act — or years down the road when the realization hits that virtue was exchanged for something far removed from real love.
Immodesty is not solely to blame for lust. It’s up to men and women to practice self-control. But why not eliminate temptation arising from the way we dress?
Not all preachers or Christian parents believe in Harris’s stringent code of dating conduct, but presumably they do believe the Lord’s ways are the best way.
When asked about dating and men and women of all ages, Pastor Glen D. Williams of eHome Fellowship Inc, a Web-based church based in Placerville, California, using the Internet and other modern means of spreading the good news of Jesus Christ, cites Galatians 5:14 — “… Love your neighbor as yourself.” Basic decency prevails in this short verse and can certainly apply to any life situation.
Williams also believes that saving sex for marriage is of vital importance. “We are to live within the legal and cultural norms of the society we're in, unless those norms contradict God's direction in His Word,” Williams says.
Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Love the Lord. Love and respect yourselves. Love and respect others.
Regardless of how strict we’ve been as parents, the task of consoling our heartbroken son or daughter typically falls to us, once they experience the trauma of a relationship break-up. What can we do to ease their pain? Often the healing starts with letting them talk, cry, and then talk again some more. A good listener has helped heal many broken hearts, along with time and prayer.
Prayer soothes the heartbroken soul and reminds him or her that God is a very present part of every facet of our lives — even dating angst.
A reminder to pray is excellent advice, too, for single men and women living away from home. Not having the close proximity of a family member to confide in for consolation during a break-up, they need some simple tools to ease their way through heartache.
Finding a good Bible-based church is another valuable tip for those who are dating. Such a church not only provides godly people in whom they can confide, it may help them make better choices the next time they decide to date. And besides, whose mother hasn’t told her son or daughter that they’d meet a nice young man/woman at church? They might just make Mom’s dream come true!
What if we older adults are the ones suffering from a break-up? Whether we’re part of the dating scene as single adults or back on the scene as a result of death or divorce, a break-up is a shake-up, whether it’s amicable or not. Seeking healing passages of Scripture can help soothe the loss and promote a healthy biblical perspective.
Using Bible verses as part of our prayers can be truly insightful. Two verses in Jeremiah are particularly helpful. Jeremiah 30:17 says, "But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the LORD." Surely this refers to the wounds of our heart as well.
In Jeremiah 17:14 we have an example of calling on the Lord for help. "Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise." Brokenhearted people dealing with a break-up can call on the Lord to fill their heart with a sense of purpose and renewal.
Breaking up is hard to do, but the flipside offers the opportunity for new beginnings. It provides an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and re-evaluate what’s truly important and what isn’t. Maybe the person you were dating wasn’t right for you — or vice versa. Perhaps the timing simply wasn’t right for either of you.
Or here’s a thought: what if the person you just broke up with wasn’t a part of God’s plan for your life? Too often we fail to ask his advice or seek his wisdom when it comes to dating. And whether you’re young or old, a first-time dater or a “played this game before” veteran — isn’t God’s plan for our life what we’re ultimately striving for?
Back
