n the second chapter of the Holy Bible (Genesis 2), God tells us that before he formed woman as a helpmate for the man, he gave Adam the command to refrain from eating fruit off the “tree of the knowledge of good and evil.” God then left it up to the man to lead the woman in obedience to this command, thus establishing him as the spiritual leader within the home.

Unfortunately, Adam failed to lead Eve in obedience, and they both fell to temptation, with disastrous results.

Joshua on the other hand, was an example of a true spiritual leader in his household. Familiar with God’s instructions and obedient to his ways, Joshua set the spiritual course for his family with the words: “… But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.” (Joshua 24:15b). His family lovingly and respectfully followed his lead.

To be a successful spiritual leader in any family, a man must first and foremost be humble before God. The Bible has many stories evidencing the fact that God will not work through any man whose arrogance or pride gets in the way. Pride is idolatrous self-focus, the oldest recorded sin, easily capable of destroying the most enlightened beings.

God requires a soft and tender heart for his molding, one that will receive his instructions, exhibit true obedience and lead in a gracious, loving manner.

I have attended a host of Promise Keepers conferences dating back to 1994 and have been blessed to hear many wonderful messages concerning spiritual leadership in the home. Throughout all of those many messages, one central thought remained dominant: the urgency of humility coupled with the necessity of constant prayer.

When my wife and I married, it was the second time for both of us. She had been raising her four daughters on her own for eight years prior to my arrival, and was, by that time, well established as the sole authority in her home. Over time, God showed us that there could be neither godly submission nor spiritual leadership in our family until we both recognized and surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus Christ over all within our house.

He led me to see that along with spiritual leadership came the awesome responsibility of my family’s spiritual focus, and my direct accountability to him for its direction. It wasn’t up to my intellectual assessments; it had to be his way, manifested to me in response to prayer. The rule was: only as I grew closer to him and respected his sovereignty, could I succeed as spiritual leader in my home.

When a man (by the grace of God) fully grasps the reality of God-ordained partnership in marriage, he will recognize the vital role his wife plays as his “helper” (Genesis 2:18). He will respect her opinions as his advisor, knowing that God may well be speaking to him through her reasoning. He must give strong consideration to whatever she says in the light of God’s words in the Bible. Certainly the ultimate decision in family spiritual matters falls to the man; however, God requires the man to lead with love and gentleness, humbled by that responsibility, and aware of accountability back to Him.

For the recent convert, or the man who has never before donned the mantle of spiritual leadership in a home, the process must begin with commitment. He must commit to honor God’s sovereignty over his household, strive for obedience to God in every area of his life, commit to deepen his relationship with God, and commit to respect and revere the opinions of his wife.

A man needs to recognize the urgency of his daily communication with God as essential, priority, quiet time for prayer and Bible study apart from routine distractions. Forging a steady habit of communication with God in this manner strengthens the relationship between the man and God and keeps open the line of communication and enlightenment from God back to the man.

To become the spiritual leader in his home a man must:

1. Acknowledge his dependence upon God and God’s sovereignty over that family
2. Accept his God-ordained responsibility as spiritual leader in that house
3. Commit to obedience to God’s teaching in the Bible
4. Maintain constant communication with God through daily prayer
5. Grow in understanding of God’s ways and knowledge of his instructions through daily study of the Bible
6. Expect and respect godly input from his wife for consideration in the light of Scripture

In her God-ordained role as her husband’s “helper,” the Christian woman should assist her husband to become a strong spiritual leader, and to accomplish this task she must:

1. Acknowledge her dependence upon God and his complete sovereignty over that family
2. Understand and accept God’s design for men to have the role of spiritual leadership within the home
3. Commit to pray for the spiritual growth of her husband
4. Be obedient to God by submitting to her husband’s godly decisions in all spiritual matters
   

Spiritual leadership in the home is essential to a strong marriage and spiritual growth. God ordained that the husband assume this responsibility, but it requires two hearts united and dedicated to the Lordship of Jesus Christ in order to realize success.