ift-giving, like many other social graces, is both a science and an art. It is a science in that there are certain rules that must be respected. Beyond that, however, when it comes down to the details and presentation, it is an art. A misstep in art can lead to an air of eccentricity at best, awkwardness at worst. A scientific miscalculation will meet with anything from awkwardness to pure disaster.

Since I believe them to be rather more important, I will more directly address in this article "The Rules." Within these parameters, however, there is nearly infinite room to express creativity and sentimentality. 1. Know what kind of relationship you have with the recipient of a gift, and give something appropriate. Discuss it openly if you must, but know where you stand because nothing is more awkward than an uneven gift exchange.

One year, I was excited to give a male friend his Christmas gift. I had put a great deal of thought and creativity into it, but it was really a very simple gift. He deliberated for some time, I'm told, over the perfect matching, hand-made earrings and bracelet for me. It was as though I'd shown up for a date in oh-so-stylishly "distressed" jeans, and he'd opened my car door in a suit, holding a single red rose. The problem was that I thought we were just friends, whereas he thought we were heading toward something more.

My advice is to give a gift that reflects the actual state of your relationship and not what you hope it could be. If you want to take things to the next level, say so in words, not Christmas presents.

First, be honest and straightforward with yourself and each other, remembering, too, that gift-giving is an act of selflessness, not manipulation. We should give willingly out of a desire to make someone else happy. We should not give because of what we hope to receive (materially or emotionally) in return. All of that said, the following is a rough guide to appropriate gifts in various stages of a dating relationship:

• 0-3 months - Music, movies, books, anything homemade (writing, painting, knitting, etc.), concert/event tickets
  
• 4-6 months - Accessories, services (massages, facials, manicures, etc.), anything homemade, anything hobby- or interest-related
  
• 7-12 months - Jewelry, clothing, trips/experiences, anything homemade
  
• Over a year - Fine jewelry, engraved locket or cufflinks, clothing, trips/experiences, spa treatments, anything homemade
  

Second, know your limits. Money tends to get tight around the holidays, so it is important to know how many gifts you need to buy and how much you can spend on each. Sit down with your budget, decide how much money you can spend on presents, and make a list of all the people you want to buy gifts for. Knowing how much money you can spend on gifts overall will help you determine what you can afford to spend on each person.

Although you may be more than a little smitten with your significant other, it's important to not go overboard, thus rendering yourself unable to afford that new brooch for grandma.

Then, agree upon a spending limit with your partner and stick to it. If you want to give more than the set limit, save a few things for later. Valentine's Day, remember, is only two months away. 3. Individualized gifts require your paying a little more attention to your honey, but it isn't hard to find a really good gift for people you know well. If your girlfriend says she's been eyeing a lamp at the antique store, for example, go get it before someone else does. If your boyfriend comments on how good the music is in a certain movie, buy him the soundtrack. Also, check around for annual memberships. Independent theaters, museums, activity groups, etc. may have them for a minimal fee; and they often include special offers and discounts at other places too. If you're willing to spend more money, investigate season passes to a team's games, a theme park, the ballet, a ski resort or a theater company's productions. Some thriftier ideas:

• Mixed CD of songs that represent your relationship
  
• Photo album filled with pictures/souvenirs from your time together
  
• Cool/interesting flea market decor (then you can spruce it up together)
  
• Baked goods
  
• Journal with random notes to your sweetheart hidden throughout
  

Gifts to promote togetherness:

• A pair of passes to a place or event
  
• Paid lessons to take together (cooking, golf, ballroom dance, anything you're both interested in)
  
• “Date night coupons" ("This coupon entitles the holder to one night of Rocky films" … or whatever)
  

Whatever you decide to give this Christmas, always include a card with a funny or sentimental message, telling your special someone you are glad to have him or her in your life. Your admiration will be cherished more deeply than even the most life-changing homemade fudge.