ife can take many dramatic and harrowing turns capable of taxing human endurance. The unexpected conclusion to a marriage is one of those turns that can produce radical life change. At age 38, after 21 years in a godless, first marriage, I awoke one morning to discover I had been deserted - I was suddenly single and awash in uncertainty.

Whether through death of a life partner, or action of divorce, "sudden singleness" can leave a solitary spouse adrift in a deep, emotional void and besieged by the cold specter of loneliness. Even though the process of recovery is quite different in the two situations, the end result always remains the same: life must go on.

Where do I go from here?

As the initial shock gradually begins to subside, one of the first questions that come to the survivor's mind is: "Where do I go from here?"

When we were children and suffered sorrow or confusion, we ran to our father (or mother) for comfort, wisdom and assurance. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:18 and John 1:12 that we are God's children. As his children, God wants us to draw close to him and give us spiritual reasoning, which we need in order to overrule emotional impulsiveness.

The new single should wisely use the quiet hours of vulnerability and solitude to communicate with God. Psalm 34:18 says the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and those crushed in spirit. It pleases God when his children go immediately to him in their distress, bringing their feelings and needs to him in prayer. It is crucial that we, his children, quietly listen for him through meditating on his words in the Bible.

God may lead some "suddenly singles" to remain single, free for a deeper, solitary devotion or service to him; however, others will require the companionship of a mate for completion in their life.

We need to keep in mind that rushing into any relationship without first spending time with God often leads to a hasty decision unlikely to endure the test of time. God's leading always provides deep and lasting fulfillment, engaging all physical, emotional and spiritual needs to last a lifetime for both people.

What kind of person should I look for?

Since God did indeed say in Genesis 2:18 it was not good for us to be alone, many "suddenly single" people will ultimately choose to return to the dating process, wondering: "What kind of person should I look for?"

Ultimately God will orchestrate events and incidents to help the single seeker visualize God's will for the future. A Christian single must remain mindful that God never endorses or sets up a relationship that would lead any of his children contrary to his will or into sinful settings. Should they fail to understand that fact, hungry emotions might tend to lead singles to "read into" situations what they want to see, rather than what God wants them to see.

When the time comes that a Christian single feels at last spiritually and emotionally ready to begin the dating process, the first step is to set godliness as the priority requirement desired in a possible suitor; 2 Corinthians 6:14 warns us not to be yoked with an unbeliever. Seek the company of one whose character most displays a relationship with Jesus Christ.

The new single need not be in a hurry to find that special someone because God controls time and keeps that "soul mate" on reserve, for revelation at just the right moment. A true lifetime mate comes along neither according to our schedule nor our selection, but God's.

God will always lead seekers to the right person if they will just remain patient and observant. As long as we steadfastly seek to follow God's leading, he will direct our steps, open doors, work through situations and bring people into our lives for the total well-being of all involved.

Where might I meet that special someone?

The Christian single would next be likely to ponder "Where might I meet that special someone God has for me?" God makes it clear in the Bible that he expects Christians to avoid worldly company; so the believer should seek companionship in wholesome settings. Single seekers might consider possible suitors from within their church home, fellowship gatherings, religious concerts or from introductions through trusted Christian acquaintances.

Once single seekers find a dating companion, they should commit to God and lead by example to maintain purity in the dating relationship. Adultery is a serious thing with God (Exodus 20:14). Transgression in this area always results in unpleasant consequences somewhere down the road. Christian singles honor God, their dating companion and the developing relationship by being obedient in this matter, giving God control to lead and bless the courtship.

God has a plan for any Christian "former spouse," no matter how sudden or devastating the circumstances. Nothing takes God by surprise, and he has control over all situations.

If you experience the trauma of sudden singleness, the right course of action is immediately turning to God and giving him the reigns of your life (Proverbs 3:5-6). He took my state of desperation, led me to a wonderful, godly mate and reshaped my life for his service. If you are willing, he wants to do the same for you.

Bible References for People Who Are Suddenly Single

Ending a marriage: I Corinthians 7:15
God provides peace and understanding: Philippians 4:7
Pray and be patient: Psalm 37:7a
Do not be anxious: Philippians 4:6
Instruction: Proverbs 3:5-6; 23:12
Staying single: 1 Corinthians 7:8
Gift from God: James 1:17
Waiting on God's will: James 1:1
Do not be yoked with unbelievers: 1 Corinthians 15:33, 2 Corinthians 6:14
God will bring a mate: Jeremiah 10:23, Proverbs 20:24, Psalm 68:6a, Romans 8:28