ith tears streaming down my grandmother's cheeks just before my husband and I left for our honeymoon after we eloped, she lovingly said, "In 50 years, it won't matter how you got married. You're just as married now as you would be if you'd had a church wedding."

My wedding to my husband of now seven months was ideal, to me: no friends or family, we just said our vows in our pastor's small church office. I didn't have the hassle of finding the right dress that I would only wear once, and I didn't have to deal with multiple family members trying to tell me what to do, what pastor I should get to marry us, etc.

Michelle and Brian Hensley

Fifty years. I started pondering my grandmother's statement on the five-hour drive to Carolina Beach, our honeymoon spot. Then I started to secretly freak out.

Fifty years ... I never thought about what it would be like to be married for 50 years. Will I be content? Will we even make it that long?

To me, we have the love depicted in the Bible's "Song of Solomon," eight chapters of a young couple praising each other. Their love is an invigorating love and their dialogue shows us the joys of marriage. The young man says to his wife, "Sixty queens there may be, and eighty concubines, and virgins beyond number; but my dove, my perfect one, is unique ..." (Song of Solomon 6:8-9). And the young woman says of her husband, "His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. (Song of Solomon 5:16).

That is the kind of love I believe my husband and I have right now. But will this love last for 50 years or longer? In 50 years, will I look at him the way the young woman in "Song of Solomon" looks at her lover - that he is desirable in every way? These questions lead to a bigger question: What does it take to make a marriage happy and successful for the long haul?

Living in a secular world, many of us may question the longevity of our marriage vows. Today's world teaches us that marriage is simply a legal institution that seemingly can be broken with just the signature of both parties. However, according to quite a few long-married, happy couples, the intoxicating love in "Song of Solomon" is still possible years after those wedding vows are uttered.

I learned of three couples happily married for more than 50 years and studied their advice on marriage. People who observe them holding hands or the way they look at each other and the way they talk to each other and about each other, comment it's obvious they are very happy together. They haven't just learned to tolerate each other over time or stayed married because they took a "till death do us part" vow. These are happy marriages.

The couples are Ruby and Charles Newcastle, married 52 years before Ruby passed away; Ruth and Marvin Selle, married 63 years this month; and Barbara and Jerry Beeghly, married 60 years this coming January. These three pairs shared their wisdom on what led to their success in matrimony. After hearing their stories, I have uncovered six "secrets" they have in common that lead to a happy long-lasting marriage.

Put the Lord first

For Christians, this secret is the most vital in any relationship, especially a marriage relationship. A marriage is, after all, a covenant relationship - in other words, a promise to perform to agreed-upon terms, or vows - between the spouses; but as Christians, we also have a covenant relationship with the Lord as well. Matthew 22:37 says we are to "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."

Ruth and Marvin's relationship was founded upon their life in the Lord. "We met in church when we were both in the youth department. So we started off always going to church together when we were dating and after we were married," recalls Ruth.

Barbara and Jerry Beeghly with their great-grandson, Micah Levi Merwin

A couple's relationship with the Lord always determines their relationship with each other. As Barbara and Jerry say, the Lord must always come first. Barbara adamantly testifies, "The Lord must be first and most important." Early on in Barbara and Jerry's relationship, they began to read Scripture together, pray together and attend church together. "We tried to please the Lord in all we did."

As a newlywed, I struggle with the tendency to put my relationship with my spouse above my relationship with the Lord. When I put my spouse first, the most vital relationship - the one with the Lord - suffers. And when this happens, the relationship with my husband begins to suffer. We begin to have more stress, more arguments and less intimacy. Being obedient to God and to his Word is a key principle in keeping a marriage healthy and happy.

Always put your spouse's needs before your own

After the Lord, one's relationship with the spouse should be next on the list. Showing interest in the other person's feelings at all times is an essential key to a long and happy marriage. Married men and women need to know their spouse cherishes them. Emotionally, each spouse should feel that he or she is a priority with the other. There must be a bond where both partners can turn to each other with any concerns.

According to Charles, one of the ways to create this kind of bond is to make sacrifices. "Be ready and willing to give more than you take, if you want a happy marriage." Both partners must be willing to put their partner's happiness ahead of their own.

Marvin says that one always needs to think about the way the other person feels and always do for the other person. When asked if he has any advice for people dating or thinking of getting married today, Marvin says, "Put the other person first in your thoughts and actions."

I grapple with this key secret as well. After being married only a short time, I find myself tiring of getting up at the crack of dawn with my husband to make him breakfast and coffee before he goes to work, washing his clothes and meeting his every whim. But one thing that I constantly need to remember is that he is working to provide us and our four children a home and all the necessities of life; the least I can do is make him breakfast, pack his lunch and give him a goodbye kiss.

Show appreciation

Just a little "thank you" goes a long way in a long-term marriage. "You must appreciate and be supportive of each other's talents, interests and endeavors," says Charles. He also notes that appreciation includes praise. Praising your partner shows that you are paying attention to what he or she does for you.

Showing appreciation is sometimes hard, especially for men; but it is crucial in any marriage - when someone starts to feel unappreciated, arguments erupt. When one partner makes sacrifices for the other but doesn't feel like the spouse values the sacrifices, it can become a problem.

Beyond a simple "thank you," there are many ways to show gratitude for all the hard work and the sacrifices your partner makes on a daily basis. Cook a meal for your wife if she always does the cooking, and even make it a candlelight dinner if you can. Buy your husband a nice gift and include a thank-you note telling him how much you value all his hard work for the family. Be creative in showing appreciation; it will stimulate your spouse to continue doing the things that make him or her wonderful.

Common agreement on money issues

Discussing money should be one of the first orders of business when becoming engaged. Knowing your significant other's financial condition beforehand will help avoid a lot of anxiety later on in the marriage. Also, having a budget that works for both partners takes away a lot of pressure and concern. Charles says it well when he says that a lack of money and a difference of opinion on money issues will become the basis for unhappiness.

Jerry also admits that couples should discuss finances to evade arguments. "We probably should have sat down in the beginning and made joint decisions agreeing on how we would spend money - or similar types of issues. But we didn't do that. So later on, money became the cause of some arguments," he recalls.

My own husband told me when we became engaged that money would be the source of just about all of our arguments. So far, he was right. One of our first arguments was over a bill I paid that he had already taken care of, and we almost lost two hundred dollars. Needless to say, I should have discussed this with him ahead of time so I would know what was going on.

One person should handle keeping track of the finances, but both should be jointly involved in knowing and contributing to the financial decisions of the family.

Don't be afraid to disagree

You have probably heard the statement "agree to disagree." That holds true with married couples as well. It's not viable that married couples agree on everything, but it is viable that they try to work things out and come to a sensible compromise to any problems that may come up. Ruth adds that "it's hard on a marriage when you keep things all bottled up inside.'

While it's important to resolve issues that could become conflicts, Barbara and Jerry's advice is: "Don't argue. Take some time and wait on the Lord, and he will give direction."

Marvin and Ruth Selle

"Sometimes when you work too much and get tired, you may get cross with each other. But you shouldn't have big blowouts," says Ruth.

Ruth and Marvin also agree that when troubles come their way, putting the Lord first got them through the hard times. "The troubles will come. So when they come, the Lord is our hope and strength. Couples who do not have him face very serious problems."

And, according to Charles, disagreements - and also unexpected troubles - may make the marriage stronger in the long run. He says, "Each time you work through rocky times together, the relationship gets even better afterward."

Working through an issue or conflict together means that both partners win - in other words, their approach is to achieve an outcome that is beneficial to both. If one loses and one wins, it sets up the couple for future relationship troubles.

Always remember to reconnect

The newlywed feeling will inevitably fade once the common stresses of marriage take their toll. But, by maintaining an intimate and affectionate relationship, the closeness a couple feels on their wedding day will not go stale. Small gestures such as hugs, holding hands and a kiss give you the chance to reconnect with your spouse daily.

In addition, "playing" together is important for staying together. Charles advises to "start early in the marriage to establish doing things together - things you both enjoy. When your children leave home, you will be spending more time together; and after you retire, you will spend even more time together."

Go on a date with one another! Dating does not have to end when you make the together-forever promises. Exercising together is also a good way to stay healthy both physically and relationally. My husband and I frequently go on walks together - this gives us a chance to talk about anything and everything. Often, we find that while releasing stress through exercising, we release emotional build-ups that could easily turn into troubles later on down the line.

Barbara and Jerry say that from the beginning they "played games together, ice skated and rode bicycles together." When they had children, they did things together with them as well. "We played games with them, went to ball games, went to church together. It was important to have activities as a couple and then later as a family."

Other nuts and bolts

Charles mentions another important perspective to long-term success. "You must love your spouse as a person. Love who he or she is, and don't just love your spouse's appearance. Over time, bodies change and can even become disabled and disfigured. If you truly love the person inside the body, the changes will not become an issue."

Other vital factors that help to create a successful marriage are, of course, open communication, sharing household responsibilities, agreement on how to raise children and spontaneity. What kind of marriage would it be if the couple cannot talk to one another? If one member of the union becomes overwhelmed with all the responsibilities of cleaning, cooking, a job or other stress-creators, that partner will tend to take out frustrations on the other.

And of course, spontaneity keeps a long-term relationship fun..

Keeping these factors in mind is essential as well, but remembering the six key secrets will ensure a marriage will not only last until death do you part but also be just as wonderful as that of Solomon and his queen in "Song of Solomon."