I

t wasn't a new concept by any means, but in 1989, through the film "When Harry Met Sally," Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan opened the eyes of the masses to the idea that men and women can't be friends. The reason for this, according to Harry, is that "sex always gets in the way." Now, for friends who are followers of Christ, who are seeking after purity and holiness, this should not be the case. But even those passionately seeking God in their lives are still human and therefore prone to developing romantic feelings.

Who better to fall for than someone you already know and love? It only makes sense. People want their spouse to be their best friend, and often, people find themselves wanting their best friend to be their spouse (or at least their boyfriend or girlfriend).

Unfortunately, the feeling is not always mutual. He develops feelings for her that go unrequited, or vice versa; and in the end, someone usually gets hurt. Friendships are strained or ruined because one person feels rejected not only by his/her love interest, but also by his/her best friend and support system simultaneously.

The simplest solution to all of this would be for people to just not develop romantic feelings for their friends. But since this is not an entirely plausible approach to handling the problem, the solution requires a different route; and it involves a lot of wisdom, grace, honesty and love.

Tips for handling the problem

First and foremost, when faced with this (or any) problem, or better yet, before it arises, it is paramount that Christians seek God and his wisdom. Jesus' brother, James, in the midst of discussing trials, said that if anyone lacks wisdom, he should ask God for it (James 1:5). Seeking the Lord, not for what one wants but for who he is, will bring perspective, peace and wisdom into any situation.

Although you may feel rejected, God's truth is that he loves you and found your life so precious as to warrant the death of his Son to save you. Although you feel like a jerk for not returning someone's feelings for you, the truth is that your honesty is more loving than it would be for you to just go along with developing a relationship to spare your friend's pride.

Your honesty about your non-romantic feelings for your friend is a loving act.

With the perspective of God, and in view of his love, it is possible to see and value friends as Christ does: purely, lovingly and unselfishly. When you are consumed and distracted by romantic feelings for a friend, it's important to value the friend and the friendship more highly than your desire for the relationship to develop into something more. It is important because the friendship is the foundation of the relationship, and no matter what happens, the foundation must stay strong. Even if it does end up turning into the greatest romance in history, attraction ebbs and flows and always will; but the friendship remains and deepens in times of trial.

When a friend and a friendship are valued, grace must abound. Whether you are the one who has developed feelings or the one for whom feelings have been developed, it is important to be gracious with one another. Understand that you are human beings and that feelings are natural and sometimes uncontrollable, especially when an emotional bond has already developed through friendship. It is nothing to feel awkward about, and it is possible to push forward without things being weird between you, but you have to refuse to let the weirdness take over.

Go ahead and get the first awkward phone call or hang-out time out of the way early on so that the weirdness doesn't build up in your minds after you have "the talk." Then, see how you feel. If you need to not hang out so much, don't. If you think you can go back to normal, hats off to you. But be honest about what you feel and what you need.

If you feel you've been deceived or led on in any way, you need to say so. Tell your friend exactly what he/she did and when, and explain why it made you think that intentions were more than friendly. Solid, Christ-centered friendships should be a safe place to encourage, rebuke and teach one another ("Iron sharpens iron." Proverbs 21:17). Chances are, if your friend is thoughtlessly leading you on, he/she will do the same to others if these actions are not pointed out and corrected. Be careful, though, to offer correction in love, out of a sincere desire to point your friend to Christ. Don't confront your friend out of hurt or anger or a desire for vindication. Remember the wisdom and love of God.

Men and women can offer each other such amazing (and just downright interesting) insight into the hearts and thought processes of their own gender and into parts of God unfathomable to the opposite sex. Genesis teaches us that "God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27, emphasis added) The fact that men and women are vastly different cannot be argued. Neither can we argue the fact that both men and women reflect different aspects of the God in whose image they were created. Friendships, then, are invaluably vital in life and faith, and if you have a friend of the opposite sex, it's like having your very own spy on the "other side."

Use your knowledge to point your opposite-sex friends toward Christ, and don't give up on the pursuit of the knowledge of God because you feel weird about unrequited romantic feelings. Harry and Sally were wrong. It is possible, even in the face of embarrassing obstacles, for men and women to be friends. After all, "with God, all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26)