O

ne origin of the "honeymoon" as we know it dates back to ancient Babylonia. After an Israelite married, he would spend the night with his bride in seclusion. They would drink mead called bride ale, which was made from fermented honey. Another possible origin of the honeymoon is that of Northern European cultures. For these people, the moon was representative of the monthly cycle of the body, and honey represented how sweet the first few months of marriage were for a couple. The word "honeymoon," though, was one of caution - future "moons" may not be as sweet.

The end of sweetness

What causes the honeymoon to end? Maybe the problem lies in a couple's ideology of marriage before the vows are spoken. Melissa Hudson, a newlywed of less than a year from Richmond, Virginia recalls, "I pictured married life as a time where everything would be perfect. There would be no worries, no bills, no arguments, basically no problems. The hassles of everyday life would never faze us, because we'd be so happily in love."

Crystal Singleton, also of Virginia, recollects her perceptions of married life before her wedding. She says, "Basically, before we got married, we thought that our marriage was going to be different than other married couples. Always having fun, lounging around on the weekends, we would split chores so that they would all get done, and just being inseparable. I remember us saying, ‘We won't fight, and if we do, it'll be something so easy to work out.' Let me tell you ... we were naive."

We thought our marriage was going to be different than others.

Secondly, the couple is going back to the "real world." Sweet love seems to come easy while lying together on white sandy beaches and touring exotic lands. Upon entering the new threshold, the realness of one's spouse seems to slap the other in the face.

"At first we tried to overlook things that the other one did and laugh it off," Crystal recalls. "Then laundry started to pile up, the bathroom was dirty and the dishes and trash weren't getting cleaned up like they should. I was in nursing school and Brad was employed full-time so things were hectic. But the newness of our marriage and what we thought was the easy life ended about six months after the wedding."

Common denominator no. 1: Christ

In any marriage, the first order of business is to put the Lord first. All newlyweds should build their home on the foundation of Christ. "Before we were married, we met with our preacher who married us. He explained to us that we have to put God first," Crystal recalls. "I strongly believe everything happens for a reason and it's God's will when an obstacle is put before us to make us stronger people." After the wedding, the Christ-centered home will allow for a more special bond between the couple.

"Being in a relationship with Christ gives us yet another bond to share - we can worship God and pray together," says Melissa. If the couple is in true fellowship with the Lord, then they will put each other first (after Christ) and work through issues in the marriage in a way that is glorifying to him. To keep the honeymoon alive is to keep the honeymoon with you and Jesus thriving as much as when you accepted him as Savior. This will carry over to the first time you fell in love with the one God brought to you in your life, your spouse.

Common denominator no. 2: compromise

Melissa and Christian Hudson.

Before the marriage, each person was accountable only for themselves as individuals. Now, decisions that affect both people must be made on a daily basis. Of course, decisions will be made individually, but there are a few major issues that the couple must agree on, and the only way to do this is to compromise.

Compromise is tricky. It calls for both parties to settle differences by mutual concessions. Compromise can be as equally hard as facing the reality that your wife snores and you realize you have a lifetime to listen to it. But learning to compromise will help a newly married couple decide on a few major issues that tend to push the honeymoon feelings out and the feelings of "just an old married couple" in.

First, each person in the union needs to remember that the other does have an opinion, and sometimes opinions will differ. Meeting in the middle can sometimes be difficult, so the second thing to remember is to always put yourself in your spouse's shoes.

Not every tiff that comes up should truly be taken personally. Why does your husband feel you should stay home while he takes a night out with the boys? Let go of the fact that he is going out with his friends, but ask questions. Maybe then you'll see that the issue is not that your husband does not want to spend time with you, but he really just needs some time to be social with others outside of his job, for example.

Sharing space

Brad and Crystal Singleton.

What's worse than attempting to put your and your spouse's clothes in the closet and realizing both have too many clothes, or that your husband has more shoes than you do? Melissa states, "Unfortunately, I inherited a gene from my mom in which I have way too many clothes. My husband and I agreed that I could have the entire walk-in-closet in the master bedroom and he could have the closet in the second bedroom. However, my clothes somehow began to spread into the second bedroom (actually a lot of my things magically moved in there) and he wasn't very happy about it. Basically, he said that my clothes had overtaken the entire house and I was forbidden to go clothes shopping indefinitely."

That first big argument

The first few months of a marriage are a time of learning and growing, so it is important to remember that God has called you to become one, and this means settling arguments in a godly fashion. And always remember that words cannot be taken back.

Melissa also gives good advice on dealing with disagreements: always ask yourself "is this something I'm willing to argue about?" She goes on to say, "We've also made a pact to never walk away if we're mad - we'll talk it out and fix it."

For two to become one, they must learn to compromise.

You have to meet your spouse in the middle - fight fairly. This means no yelling, no putting down; instead, listen and hear what the other is saying. Respect each other's feelings even if you disagree.

What family do we spend the holidays with?

One of the toughest decisions a married couple has to make is figuring out which family they should spend the holidays with. Especially for newlyweds, this decision affects both sides of the family deeply - both families are dealing with their child, brother, sister, etc., being away from them for the first time, so it is important to divide time equally between families. And of course, it always seems as though both sides have their holiday gatherings at the exact same date and time.

Try dividing time equally with both families by asking ahead of time what their plans are. If it ends up that one family is having a gathering Christmas Eve and the other Christmas day, no worries. But in the event the gatherings are at the same time, ask each family to understand that there are now two sets of families to consider in the relationship.

"We are lucky that we have family who understand; and as long as we end up getting there, that's all that matters," Crystal states.

Sometimes, though, one family may end up being upset about the newlyweds spending the holidays with another family first. This is where compromise comes in. Discuss the issue ahead of time with your spouse. You might need to alternate the years in which you spend the holidays with each family, or even have the meal at your house and invite both families over.

Whatever the situation may be, it is important to remember that you and your spouse are in agreement and stick by each other during the stressful times of the holidays.

Entertaining the in-laws

Entertaining the in-laws for the first time has to be one of the worst situations an individual in a married relationship must face. Some practical advice: at least make sure the house is clean and organized.

Crystal recounts, "I remember them coming over and I cleaned everything! Brad is the only boy, and the youngest at that, and I definitely wanted his mom to know I was taking care of her ‘baby boy.' Cleaning the bathroom, sweeping the porch, making sure the beds were made and making sure the pictures even looked right sitting on the entertainment center. I definitely wanted them to know I had this ‘wife thing' under control."

For Melissa, however, the issue of entertaining the in-laws was easier. She had been dating Christian for seven years before they were married, so she had already entertained her in-laws beforehand. This simple idea is almost commonsensical; if you live alone, invite the soon-to-be in-laws over earlier to take a little pressure off you and your spouse after the wedding.

And if you still live with your parents, have both families get together ahead of time as well. This eliminates a lot of bickering when it comes to dealing with your spouse and trying to plan a get-together with the new and possibly critical family. And it helps both families get to know each other better.

So keep the Lord first, remember to compromise on just about everything, and happy honeymooning!