he ocean about 40 miles away from Key West, Florida, was the site of a valuable discovery in June 2007. Salvagers discovered thousands of pearls in a small box while searching the wreckage of a 17^th-century Spanish galleon. The pearls, now estimated to be worth millions of dollars because of their antiquity, were buried beneath the ocean floor in 18 feet of water. Ordinarily, the pearls would have been of little value and probably not have survived at all because ocean water is not protective enough for pearls once they are out of the oysters that make them.

However, these pearls were in a lead box and silt from the sunken ship had sifted into the box, which had preserved the pearls in a fairly pristine state.

Unlike some gems such as diamonds, which can increase in value over time, pearls will deteriorate and lose value if not cared for properly. They will fade or turn yellow if not protected from the environment.

The necessity of caring for pearls to retain their value serves as a reminder of our romantic relationships. If not cared for, our relationships also can lose value. It makes no difference whether it's a new or long-lasting dating relationship, an engaged couple, a new marriage, or a couple who has been married for years. If the two do not spend time caring for each other, the relationship will turn "yellow" and its value will fade away.

How to care for your relationship

When it comes to relationships, we are often the cause of our own troubles; we behave in ways that damage the environment a relationship needs in order to survive. What can we do to protect the environment a relationship "pearl" needs?

The first thing is to learn to overlook the other person's faults. Continually reminding your sweetheart of a fault will never bring good results and will definitely damage the relationship. As Jesus taught, we are to love others as ourselves. How does it make you feel when your loved one nags you about your faults? Set aside a time for the two of you to lovingly talk about and agree on a way that you can bring these irritations to an objective discussion (avoiding finger-pointing and criticism) and find win-win solutions.

Other important relationship value-builders include:

• Be sure to praise your sweetheart. And mention things about who the person is; don’t offer praise just for something your mate did.
• Give cards and gifts (maybe even a pearl) at times other than birthdays, Valentine’s Day or an anniversary. Surprises on days when Hallmark didn’t prompt you to get a gift or card will have great meaning to your loved one. The cost of the gift is not important; the sentiment you express and memories you create are invaluable.
• Spending time alone with each other is very important. Especially when married, be sure to have an evening out — just the two of you.
• Express your love for each other in a variety of ways such as doing little unexpected things. Guys, help clear the table and clean up the kitchen after a meal. Gals, make his favorite dish when he least expects it. Ladies, meet him at the door in your best finery, instead of the drab house dress or torn jeans, and enjoy his reaction. Men, watch what she wants to watch on television for a change. You might even be brave enough to let her have control of the remote control.
• Most of all talk, and do it openly and honestly. But also learn to listen. Men, when the lady talks, she often is just relating what has happened in her day – don’t assume she is asking for advice or wanting you to solve a problem.

Jan inherited from her grandmother a necklace of yellowed pearls. She remembered her grandmother saying she didn't know if the necklace was worth money or not because, for her, the value had been in the giver. Her grandmother's fiancé, while in the U.S. Marine Corps., had bought the already-yellowed pearls for $18.00 in China while stationed there in 1946 and sent them to her. When Jan took the pearls to a jeweler for cleaning and valuation, she learned they were far more valuable than their original $18 price tag.

Like the yellowed pearls purchased in China, which were later restored to their natural color, even relationships that have become strained over time can be restored by proper care. It does take effort by both parties to fix problems. It may even require the assistance of a pastor or other professional counselor. But relationships can be restored if the couple changes their behavior to create an environment in which their love can thrive.

A pearl of greater price

The Bible speaks of a different kind of pearl - one of a greater price. In Matthew 13, Jesus taught seven parables, one of which was about a pearl. In each parable he compares the item, such as the pearl, to the kingdom of heaven. He said in verses 45-46, "Again the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it."

So what is this costly pearl? Jesus. What is the cost? His death on the cross, making it possible for each of us to have eternal life by accepting his free gift of salvation.

The merchant who sold everything he owned to purchase the costly pearl indicates the kind of life we should live as believers. Everything we have and are should be sold out to him. That does not mean we are buying a ticket to heaven by our actions; it refers to the way we should live after receiving "the Great Pearl."

Jesus also taught us many things about the way we as believers are to treat others. And we have the indwelling Holy Spirit to guide our direction and actions, helping us to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness (Galatians 5:22). Remember, neither pearls nor relationships can survive in the wrong type of environment.

This is the month we focus on Valentine's Day gifts. But the greatest gift you can give to your mate - every day - is to demonstrate the love that results from having Christ in your life.