ongtime Bebo Norman fans have watched the shift first-hand. A career initially built on his Southern “aw shucks” personality, boyish charm and honest songs about God and singleness gave way seven years ago to the married life and a mature level of songwriting about God and the deeper relationships of life. It’s a natural progression that comes with age and wisdom and it’s reflected in the singer/songwriter’s releases.

“Great Light of the World” is the hallmark of a long, storied career now spanning seven full-length albums and 15 years out on the road. Other hits like “Stand,” “Disappear,” “I Will Lift My Eyes” and “Nothing Without You” all made their mark on Christian radio, and several Dove Award nominations cement the acclaim surrounding Bebo’s talent.

But the weathered songs of experience come at a price and, in Bebo’s case, it’s often through the accountability and intimacy that only marriage can provide. That becomes even more difficult when Bebo is away for a season at a time while Roshare, his wife, remains at home with their son. Yet, as he explains, the Normans strive to honor God and each other no matter the situation.

Bebo Norman.

Sharing in the ministry

“My wife is an extremely independent woman anyway, which helps,” says Bebo. “She's strong that way. But she's also involved in what we do. She does all of the business management. So she doesn't feel that I leave and then she's off in some other world. She's in on every show because she's budgeted everything for the whole tour. She does payroll for all the people out on the road with us. She gets merchandise money in and puts that in the bank. So she feels like she's very much a part of that team on the business side of things.”

Being together on the ministry and business side of Bebo’s music career isn’t the only vital aspect of their relationship. Equally as important, if not more so, is attending to each other personally, making sure each person in the relationship feels loved, supported, respected and honored.

“Even though it breaks her heart sometimes and she will cry sometimes when she knows that I have to leave, she's never made me feel like I'm choosing music over her. So it's one of those nice balances that makes sense,” he says.
 
“It’s a perfect match because my wife has no desire for the spotlight,” explains Bebo. “She has that desire for me and it's a very important thing in our marriage for me to verbally affirm who she is, what she does and how she does it. That's a part of what my focus is when I am home. The big deal for us is just staying on the same page.”

Pulling the roots of resentment

Bebo Norman.

“Someone told me a long time ago that the things that are unspoken in marriage are the breeding ground for resentment,” says the Georgia native. “It might be something small and it might be something minor. Don't get me wrong; it's not like every small and minor thing needs to be said. But if something questionable is happening and there's a thought in my mind that is doubtful toward my wife, wondering why she did that … if I let that go a few days and I still have that feeling, then I probably need to go ahead and ask her and engage that feeling with her. If it goes away, then I probably don't need to bring it up.”

Finding some wisdom and balance in terms of when and how to communicate the things you need to communicate is so important,” states Bebo. “If we can keep things spoken and leave short accounts, it leaves little time for resentment to build.” 

As Bebo shares lessons learned, he keeps returning to the concept of time, which in this case is about letting as little as possible slip by to keep feelings of resentment at a minimum. “What can happen is that I let it go a few days and then it builds even more resentment. But then I'm afraid to say it because now I'm really fearful that something's going on. Then I wait even longer to not say it because of this fear, and it builds a wall between us. She starts to notice that I'm being a little different and she starts to do the same thing and build her own wall. Then I behave differently because I think she is being a little different. Pretty soon, it's been a year and there's a huge wall of resentment that explodes into some huge fight.”

Album cover.

Many times these issues go unsaid, but they quickly become the roots that break the sidewalk; Bebo notes that he’s seen marriages dissolve from this very issue. “I've seen more than my share of marriages blow up without communication on that level. They look up after two years into the marriage and they stop loving each other because they never communicated about the little things that build resentment. So it's really important to keep short accounts of anger, short accounts of distrust and short accounts of irresponsibility when you see those things take place.”