ixteen-year-old Josh’s parents discovered alcohol in his room over two years after he had his first drink. By the time they figured it out, he was a regular, heavy user.

With the ease and availability of household products to inhale and over-the-counter drugs to abuse, more and more kids are choosing to try drugs and alcohol sooner, some as early as eight or nine years old. Research also suggests that the earlier children try drugs, the more likely they will develop an addiction.

What should parents do if they discover their child is using drugs or alcohol? This article offers tips and expert advice to help parents handle the discovery with knowledge, wisdom and grace.

Know the facts

Most kids use drugs or alcohol for several months before their parents figure it out. Parents need to know what to expect and look for.

Josh’s parents saw negative changes in their son. His grades dropped, he replaced church friends with new acquaintances, his moodiness and rebelliousness increased and he skipped school often. His parents thought this was a phase he would grow out of.

“Don’t go into denial and just hope it will go away. Believe me, it won’t. You can ignore it, or you can learn from it,” says addictions counselor Pat Howell.

The statistics may surprise some parents who think, “It could never happen in our family.” According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, over 80 percent of U.S. high school seniors report using alcohol at least occasionally and 26 percent report binge drinking (drinking more than five drinks). Also, alcohol is the leading contributing factor in the three main causes of death among 15 to 24-year-olds (the causes of death being automobile crashes, homicides and suicides).

Marijuana is the most commonly used illicit drug among youth in the United States, with 20 percent of high school students reporting use. Add to that the 2.1 million teens who abuse prescription drugs (according to the Centers for Disease Control) and it is clear that alcohol and drug abuse can affect any family.

Be clear about expectations and consequences

Even with these data, 40 percent of adolescent drug users say their parents never discussed drug use with them. Many parents don’t know when or how to talk to their kids about drug use. However, just as talks about sex and Internet dangers are encouraged, the more dialogue, the more kids will know the dangers and the consequences.

“Take a stand (in writing if needed) well before such a discovery takes place so that all parties know what can be expected in such circumstances,” says David Thomas, who has worked with both adults and adolescents as an addictions counselor for over 20 years. He continues with samples of words to use with teens. “If you start to use drugs or are strongly tempted to do so, you can and should come to me for help.” “I will not sign the paperwork for your driver’s permit if I have reason to suspect drug use.” “If I have reason to suspect you are using drugs, I will take you in to see a professional.” “If you bring drugs in our home, I will call the police.”

Howell concurs, “Make it clear that drug and alcohol use is not acceptable. If your child is using drugs or alcohol and harm is imminent, it’s important to draw the line and make a strong stand quickly.”

Set up a contract with your kids early. Let them know your expectations and the consequences they will encounter if they break the rules.

Know also that the situation may be bigger than your family can handle. Seeking outside help may be necessary.

Seek outside help

Ashley was in tenth grade, an honor-roll student, a starter on her varsity soccer team and a peer youth leader at her church. When she overdosed on alcohol while playing a drinking game with her friends, everyone was shocked, especially her parents.

They realized they needed help. Over the course of Ashley’s recovery, they sought assistance from an addictions counselor, Ashley’s doctor, their pastor, a community Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon support group, the Department of Juvenile Justice and the police.

Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask questions and seek help. “Parents need to know they’re not alone,” says Howell. Many families find comfort in support from others in the same situation.

These resources can also assist families in determining if the drug or alcohol use is experimental or if the teen has a more serious problem or addiction. Determining the level of abuse or dependence should be one of the first steps for parents who discover teen drug or alcohol use. Community and medical professionals are equipped to help and offer experience and knowledge about adolescent drug and alcohol use.

Pray

Any parent of an adolescent knows how important prayer is. Don’t neglect this important tool when you discover drugs or alcohol. Understand that in cases of serious abuse, it may take some time to see results. Josh spent 18 months in jail for drug possession before getting his life together. Ashley got clean after 30 days at an inpatient drug rehabilitation center. Six months later, she relapsed and spent another six months in treatment.

Serious situations like these examples are beyond parental control. Once police and the court system get involved, parents must rely on God to control the situation and be with their children as they suffer more serious consequences.

Pray for knowledge about the facts and statistics. Pray for the wisdom to set clear expectations and follow through with consequences. Pray that God will provide the right resources to offer the outside help needed. Families can move beyond drug and alcohol abuse with the right tools and God’s guidance.

It is important to note that adult drug and alcohol abuse is different from teen use. To find some general information about helping an adult with an addiction, visit http://ncadi.samhsa.gov/.