Lilly Briney

hen God blessed Amanda Briney, giving her a tender floral bud with a tiny thorn attached, she never once wished she’d been given the perfect bloom. Instead, through many prayers and lots of hard work, she’s gratefully watched her Lilly blossom. Amanda’s daughter, Lilly, has Down Syndrome.

Marriage is the union of one man and one woman, under the guidelines the Lord has set before us in the Bible. Jim Reynolds and Amanda Briney became engaged this past January and plan to marry in May of 2010. With the wedding just a year away, a lot of plans are in the making. There will be trips to the florist, alterations and fittings for a wedding dress and tuxedo, and plans for the photographs.

In addition, Jim and Amanda will begin the counseling sessions offered by most churches these days. The pastor will ask questions about their faith and their love of the Lord, in addition to their love for each other. And he will counsel them for a unique situation as well: caring for a disabled child.

Lilly, Amanda’s 3-year old daughter from a previous marriage, has Down Syndrome, a genetic condition that causes delays in physical and intellectual development. People with Down Syndrome have an extra chromosome – 47 instead of the usual 46. Their physical characteristics include low muscle tone, a single crease across the palm, a slightly flattened facial profile and a slightly upward slant to their eyes. Approximately 40 percent of Down Syndrome children are born with congenital heart defects, and they tend to experience a higher incidence of respiratory ailments throughout their lives.

The average life expectancy of people with Down Syndrome is 55 years. Some learn enough life skills to rent apartments and successfully live on their own, but they are the exception. Some move into group living situations with some independence, while aides monitor many of their services. Most remain at home until their parents can no longer care for them.

It’s not uncommon for a man or woman to have a child or even more than one from a previous marriage; and said children do add an element to a marriage that requires serious thought and prayer prior to saying the “I do’s.” But a child with a disability as profound as Down Syndrome requires special consideration on behalf of two committed Christians vowing to love one another until the end of time. Most children without disabilities grow up and eventually move away from home. That’s not typically the case for a child with Down Syndrome.

Lilly is among a fortunate few children born with Down Syndrome whose heart was corrected surgically shortly after birth. She still, however, experiences more illnesses than other children her age and requires braces on her hips at night to keep them in their sockets. She sees a variety of doctors for hearing issues and frequent infections. She attends a special program where she receives occupational and speech therapies. There’s a lot of work involved, but Amanda and Jim are also recipients of Lilly’s unconditional love.

“She’s the light of my life,” Amanda says.  “She’s active and loud and funny … and I wouldn’t have her any other way. She smears our faces many times every day with her big wet kisses, and she gives the best and warmest hugs in the whole world.”

Jim agrees. The middle of five children, he always knew he enjoyed kids but never realized what it was like to fall in love with one until knowing Amanda and Lilly.

Amanda Briney, Lilly Briney and Jim Reynolds.

“Every day she makes me smile and laugh,” he says. “No matter what kind of day I’m having, she has the ability to brighten it up instantly.”

Jim first met Amanda back in high school, but she married and moved away shortly thereafter. After she divorced and moved back to their hometown, they started bumping into each other from time to time. Lilly was just a baby. First dates didn’t consist of dinner or a movie. Instead they were trips to the park or evenings spent sharing a cup of coffee in the emergency room as doctors treated Lilly for ear infections or bronchitis.

Before long, the two realized that they were in love – but not just the two of them. Jim fell in love with Lilly as well. After two years, they decided it was time to become a family.

Reverend Clifford Neal is a retired pastor from Rayburn Baptist Church in Sam Rayburn, Texas. While serving as a pastor and an evangelist, he counseled numerous couples considering marriage when one or both of them had been previously married.

“If either of the two was married previously and suffered a failure that led to divorce, it is wise to learn why the former marriage failed. An open examination must be forthcoming to prepare grounds for success and not a repeat of the same type of failure. The failure of the past is evidence itself that proper preparation was not observed in the process initially, and care must be taken that will allow the two not to repeat mistakes of the past,” Rev. Neal explains.

“There is much in the Scriptures that warns of the dangers of remarriage,” he continues.  “But my experience has led me to see that second marriages can be very solid and successful if both parties take the time to know what went wrong and deal with whatever issues are a threat to future relationships. This is simply a process of honest self-evaluation of ethics, morals, faith, priorities, values and prejudices with a willingness to commit to adjustments required in advance.”

Rev. Neal acknowledges that when children from previous marriages are part of the new union, they need special consideration. He warns that the couple “must consider the well-being of the children above all other priorities. This is doubly true in the case of a disabled child.”

He further explains that while there is no direct admonition in Scripture that singles out the situation of remarriage involving a disabled child, there is a story in the Bible that illustrates the love that the Lord calls the church to provide to a child like Lilly.

“I love the story of David and Mephibosheth recorded in 2 Samuel 9,” states Rev. Neal. “It is a beautiful illustration of what the attitude of the church should be in meeting the needs of those who cannot care completely for themselves. David the king loved and brought under his protection a young disabled son of Jonathan for as long as his need existed – in this case, for life. May we do likewise.”

David’s unconditional love for Mephibosheth is a great illustration of the unconditional love that God has for us. Jim and Amanda will honor him by continuing in David’s footsteps. In doing so, they also remind us to love as the Lord offers love … unconditionally – and in Lilly’s case, complete with sloppy, wet kisses and hugs that warm the soul.