hen I began online dating at age 57, I found it exhilarating and just plain fun. I would open my computer to check e-mails and find messages waiting from six or seven men, all interested in getting to know me, and I felt like a teenager again! I was excited to meet so many new people, and it made dating as a 50+ adult an exciting and rewarding experience. But I also felt awkward.

At first I felt somewhat intimidated by the whole dating thing, and more than once I compared it to applying for a job. What should I say? What should I wear? Do I look alright? What will he think of me? But I soon discovered that dating and meeting new people is about the same in any generation. Whether we’re a high school senior or a senior adult, we all want to make a good impression and we want the other person to like us.

Tips for beginning in online dating if over age 50

When entering the online dating world, some things will feel awkward for senior adults who then meet their online potential matches and go on in-person dates. For me, I really became aware of things that changed from the times I dated as a teen to dating today. No matter how 21st-century I claim to be, I still found myself approaching dating again with a mindset from several decades back.

Changed customs. For instance, I felt awkward waiting dutifully in the passenger seat while my date got out of the car and walked all the way around the vehicle just to open the door for me. I thought it was outdated and unnecessary; after all, I’m a modern, independent woman who doesn’t need a man’s help to get out of a car! Still it was a courtesy we grew up with, so I complied … and used those extra moments for another quick mirror check.

One thing especially difficult for me was having to unlearn the hard and fast rule ingrained in us during the 1960s … always wait for the guy to phone you first. Well, forget that one; it doesn’t apply anymore. I found that men today love to have the woman call them!

Safety issues. The first time I would meet a man in person after getting to know him online was usually a nerve-rattling experience. An online date is basically a blind date and can be quite an eye opener, since it involves meeting a “stranger.” To play it safe, I always chose a busy restaurant or other public spot as a meeting place the first time we went out together.

Financial aspects. Another issue I experienced in dating as a senior was the financial aspect of dating: Should the man pay for the date? Should I offer to pay my way? Do we each take turns paying for a date? Restaurant dinners, movie tickets and event admissions can run up the price of a date quite high. Since many seniors are on a fixed income, the issue of money should be discussed.

I learned there are excellent and inexpensive compromises, such as enjoying coffee and pie at a café instead of a complete dinner, or preparing a picnic lunch to share at the park, or skipping food altogether and enjoying a concert at church.

Role reversal. One of the most unusual things that came up when I started dating as an older adult was the role reversal in my grown children. More than once I went through in-depth questioning before I left on a date with a gentleman. I heard it all: “When will you be home, mother? You’re not going to stay out too late, are you?” “Just how much do you know about this person?” “Make sure your cell phone is turned on so we can reach you if we need to.”

While I knew they had my well-being in mind, I still found it annoying and somewhat intrusive to have my offspring in the parent’s role, giving me instructions and telling me how to conduct myself on a date.

Fish from your own peers. We joke about older men dating women half their age, or older women looking for a man 20 years younger, but I discovered the best dating companions were those in my own peer group. I chose dating partners who were within a few years of my age, younger or older. That way we shared more common interests, which made our time together fun and interesting.

The excitement of dating as a senior provided a fantastic mental boost at first, making me feel like I was18 again. It was invigorating for the first year or so, but it didn’t take long until I grew tired of the late hours and weekends filled with frantic activity. I missed my quiet evenings at home after work, relaxing and savoring a good book or a favorite movie. So after the initial flurry of dating wore off, it became more enjoyable to just meet a date for a simple cup of coffee and a time of easy conversation. After all, I was searching for a life companion, so getting to know the person was the most important thing.

Grays have more fun

When seniors find themselves single again as they approach retirement age, it can be a rewarding and enjoyable experience to begin dating. For Christian singles, seeking God’s choice for a life companion should be the top priority when dating, so entering the dating scene deserves diligent prayer and thoughtful consideration. I learned to trust God’s guidance and direction when dating. I learned:

• Don’t take yourself too seriously.
• Be honest and forthright. You are who you are.
• Pray about everything.
• Move slowly. Take your time.
• Relax, be yourself and have fun.