espite what we might try to convince ourselves to believe, there is no such thing as letting someone down easy. There is only letting someone down. There are more and less humane ways to do it (honesty is always the best policy), but disappointment is inevitable. The best we can do is to be well prepared for the blow when it comes our way. Hopefully, you never have to deal with being dumped, but if the Boy and Girl Scouts of America have taught us anything, it’s to be prepared. So taking a cue from them, here is your handy pocket guide to surviving a break-up.

You’ll get by with a little help from your friends

Before you break up, before you even start dating – completely separate, in fact, from your love life altogether – you need a healthy, encouraging set of friends. They will be important in life regardless of your relationship status; but when you are faced with not being part of a couple again, they will be absolutely vital for a number of reasons.

Initially, they’ll be healthy time-fillers. You’ll need to have something to do and people to hang out with to fill the time you normally would have spent hanging out with your significant other. Without friends to take up the slack in your time, the temptation is great to call your ex, beat yourself up over all the things you could have done differently, work too much, sleep too much, eat too much, wonder what’s wrong with you, etc. But with a loving community to come around you, monopolize all your self-pity time, take your mind off of things, and tell you how wonderful you are, you’ll be much better off.

Leave yourself some very important Post-its

Another easy temptation to fall prey to after a rejection is believing that God is punishing you or that he doesn’t love you. Whether you’re with friends or alone, this will be a crucial time to remember that this is a lie. God’s love and faithfulness are just as real and present in your life in the midst of pain as they were in the midst of relational bliss. Your friends and family can help remind you of this, but they won’t be with you every moment of the day, so you’ll also have to learn to “self-medicate.”

Write in your journal about all the ways God has been faithful to you. Look back at old prayers and prayer requests and remember how he answered them. Read John 14-20 every day and marvel at the incredible sacrifice Jesus made because he loves you so much. Remind yourself of the words of 1 John 4, “God is love.” He IS love. He doesn’t just show love; he embodies it. He literally cannot do anything unloving, for that would go against his very nature. Leave yourself little notes here and there saying, “THIS is God’s love. THIS is his compassion. This life you get to live today, you get because of his great love.”

Ask the right questions

The final hurdle is moving on after a break-up, not necessarily to other relationships, but just past the heartbreak and to a deeper relationship with God. When things are difficult or in the process of change, you may be tempted to ask, “Why is this happening to me?” But asking “why” can put you on dangerous ground as it keeps the focus on you, and not where it ought to always be –  on Jesus. “Why” allows for self-pity and an attitude of entitlement towards God – that you deserve something from him (either a relationship or an answer to the question), and that he is withholding it.

The answer will likely come in time without your really even noticing it. So instead of asking “why,” pray to God and ask, “Now what?” By focusing on his will and the work that you can do to build his kingdom, you’ll make good use of the extra time you now have, learning to put the needs of others before your own needs (see Philippians 2), and growing closer to Jesus by living a life of sacrifice, like his.

You can live in loneliness and despair, or you can live in community and love. You can wallow in self-pity, or you can rest in God’s love and faithfulness. You can doubt his goodness and generosity, or you can show it to a world that desperately needs it. The choice is yours, but you must be prepared to make it.