n today’s world of instant gratification, the idea of waiting becomes almost unthinkable. Patience is a thing of the past, and it's difficult to wait for anyone or anything. We want it, and we want it now. And that includes love.

I understand what it's like to wait for love. For more than 18 years I was a divorced single mother, until two years ago when I joined an online dating service. There I met, and later married, a wonderful Christian man who is truly my soul mate and the love of my life.

During those long years as a single, I had many opportunities to meet and talk to a multitude of other unmarried Christians, both in person and online, who dream of finding that special person to love and spend their life with. But sadly, some of them want to be part of a loving relationship so badly that they're willing to settle for less than the best just to have somebody to call their own.

I've known singles who, in their haste to be part of a "couple," rush through the courting process entirely and skip directly into romantic involvement without taking the time necessary to build a mature, loving relationship. Some people I've met were so desperate to be loved that they were willing to move straight from mere acquaintance to intimacy.

My husband tells about an experience he had on a first date with a woman he met online. After exchanging e-mails for a week, he invited her to dinner so they could meet in person. On the night of their date, they met at the restaurant where they enjoyed an evening of pleasant conversation and great food. After their meal was finished and they prepared to leave, his date turned to him and said, "So, when do I move in?" He remembers being more than surprised by her question; when he realized she was serious, he was shocked! He couldn't believe that a woman he'd just met could be so lonely for love that she was ready to initiate a physical relationship after only one date. Needless to say, he ended their acquaintance right then.

Is it red roses or red flags?

So how can singles recognize whether someone they’re dating is truly falling in love with them or is only in love with the idea of being in love? It may not be easy to tell, especially if that person isn't aware that he or she is trying to force a relationship to happen instead of letting one develop naturally.

In my case, I listened for words and watched for behavior that made me feel uncomfortable, such as a guy asking extremely personal questions on a first date, or being too intimate or affectionate too soon in the relationship. If he acted too aggressive or pushy or failed to respect my personal space or boundaries, then I knew he wasn't right for me. I also discovered when someone is playing at love or trying to force love, he isn’t really interested in taking the time and effort necessary to grow a serious, committed relationship.

When it's the real thing

During the time I was single, I met some very nice, eligible Christian men who would make great husbands. I also met a few who wouldn't. After years of investing my time and emotional energy into trying to develop relationships that ended up going nowhere, I was discouraged and ready to give up dating altogether.

One evening I shared this frustration with my older sister, a Christian wife of more than 45 years. I asked her, "How will I know when I've met the right one for me?" To which she replied simply, "When he's the right one, you'll just know. It will all fall in place."

At the time, her response seemed rather vague and simplistic; but I tucked it away for future reference. Less than six months later, it happened. I met my future husband online, and we hit it off perfectly from the very beginning – it was as though we'd known each other all our lives. That's when I understood exactly what she meant, and I realized what she'd said was true. I knew we were meant for each other.

True love waits

Before dating begins, Christian singles are encouraged to pray earnestly for their future spouse, asking God to reveal to them his will for a lifelong mate. God does indeed have a plan for each of his children; and if his plan includes marriage, singles can trust that in his perfect timing he will accomplish his plan.

We are reminded to "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:14) and to "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart … Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him." (Psalm 17:4, 7)

Christian singles needn't jump ahead of God and attempt to manufacture love relationships where none exists. It is not a good idea to be in a hurry to find true love. One can’t contrive or plan an abiding, forever love; one can’t manipulate love into being.

I learned through my dating experiences that true love, a relationship brought about by God, isn't threatened or destroyed by time; instead it is enhanced by the weeks, months and years it takes to grow and mature it. A deep, secure and lasting love to share with that special someone is a love that is truly worth waiting for.