ou know all the stereotypes. Men are lustful, forgetful, stubborn, insensitive, bad communicators. But how true are these stereotypes, where did they come from, and what do you as a woman need to know to help men overcome them? Five guys (and a few wives) sat down to help answer these questions.

About lust ...

Godly men often try to explain to women their struggle with lust, and because women do not share this struggle exactly, the explanation has been met with confusion, judgment, dismissal and self-doubt. Women wonder what’s wrong with them that their significant others are looking at other women. When they realize there’s nothing wrong with them, they’re confused and angry. If they’re not directly affected by a man’s struggle with lust, they simply brush it aside as though it’s not a big deal. None of these reactions is particularly helpful to either men or the women, but understanding a man’s struggle with lust is a good place to start figuring out a solution.

Just as women desire to be seen to the point that they spend thousands of dollars on pretty shoes, men are visual to a point that women cannot even imagine. As you are probably aware, however, they aren’t looking at your shoes. Men have a catalogue of mental images that run through their minds constantly, popping up uncontrollably in much the same way that women’s brains conjure up imaginary situations and conversations wherein the man of their dreams sweeps them off their feet.

Men who are seeking after the Lord fight like crazy to bump these images from their mind’s eye, concentrating on boxing or war movies in an attempt to keep their heads clean. And certainly that is their responsibility – to look away from images they won’t want coming to mind during Sunday’s sermon, to stay away from pornography and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition and even the beach if necessary. But there are things that women can do to help them as well.

Cover up. You don’t have to sacrifice fashion to protect your brothers, but they are your brothers, and we are called to bear their burdens. So do them a favor and dress tastefully, not giving them any images of you that will make them feel dirty when they are replayed later in their heads. If you are married, though, give your husband lots of images of you so that he isn’t tempted to look for them elsewhere. He’ll love it.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find out what it means to a he.

Men take respect very seriously, valuing it even more highly than love, they say. But what does he mean when he says he wants to be respected above all else?

He wants to be trusted. Women are notorious for nagging, back-seat driving and second-guessing. They’re also constantly tempted to take matters into their own hands when relationships aren’t going in the direction or at the speed they’d prefer. And the reason women drive men insane in this manner is a lack of trust. Think about it. You nag a man to do something because you don’t trust him to remember to do it. You tell him a different route is faster, watch out for that car, or stop and ask for directions because you don’t trust his driving ability. You doubt his actions and his decisions because you don’t trust him to do things “the right way” –  your way.

But what would happen if you did trust him? If you let him do things in his own way on his own schedule, it would not only send him a powerful message of respect and trust, but it might prove to you that you can share the load. And the more he proves himself, the more you can trust him with what he really wants – your heart.

Godly men really do want to care and provide for a woman who will trust them enough to allow it. They want to be the hero Bonnie Tyler sings about holding out for. They want to rescue the damsel in distress. Women simply don’t allow them to do it. Maybe it has something to do with the feminist movement thought, “We’re strong. We don’t need rescuing.” And there is some truth to that. Having been created in the image of the omnipotent God, women are strong. But humanity is fallen, we are not omnipotent, and Scripture instructs us to care for one another. So consider the possibility that you don’t realize you are tied to the railroad tracks, and let him help you.

Trust him with responsibilities. If he doesn’t get something done, it’s not the end of the world; he’ll learn from it, and he’ll at least have the satisfaction of having done it, which, for some mysterious reason, guys really like. They like figuring out how to make things work. They like dumping out all the pieces of the Ikea furniture and deciphering the assembly instructions, finding their way when they’re lost, and even figuring out how to work and communicate well with the women they care about. So, trusting that that’s true, let him do it. Trust him to lead and set the pace in your relationship. It is his God-given role; and if you take it over, then he can’t learn how to do it.

He wants to know that you are his number-one fan. God created Eve so she could be a helper to Adam. Women sometimes find this offensive, but it goes far beyond cooking and cleaning for him. The kind of helper God had in mind was a practical helper, but also a partner, a spiritual encourager, and a source of rest and strength. It takes a strong woman to do all of these things, and that’s exactly what a man wants.

A woman’s responses to her man can make or break him.

You have no idea how much men value the opinions of the women they love. Your responses to your man can make or break him. He longs for your support in all his decisions, your encouragement to be the man God is making him, your help to become that man through prayer and honest assessment of how he’s doing, and the safety of knowing he can screw up and break down with you sometimes, and you’ll love him anyway.

When he does something well, he wants to know you appreciate it. Thank him, cook him his favorite dinner, brag on him to your friends, give him a high five. It’ll go a long way.

He hates being embarrassed in front of other people about his shortcomings. This is an area where women often are extremely insensitive. They think they’re engaging in playful teasing when they tell a group of friends about the fiasco of hubby trying to fix the sliding door by himself. But all the while, hubby is angry and embarrassed that other men know he can’t provide for his family in this way and other women find it “cute.” You may as well take away his man card and send him to a Hugh Grant movie.

He needs time to think before he speaks

Men don’t always have a thousand things running through their minds. Their minds are much more compartmentalized. They’re focused on the task at hand; they’re not completing expense reports while formulating a grocery list, writing letters, analyzing your relationship, and planning tomorrow’s outfit. So when you bring up something you’ve been thinking about all day and feel is very important, you can’t expect him to have an immediate response as though he has also thought about and internalized it already. He may need time alone to process what you’ve said and think about his response. 

On a similar note, at the end of the work day, work is over. While a woman finds it helpful to come home and process everything that happened that day, men may just want to leave work at work. If it was a bad day, they don’t want to relive it by talking about it all; but if your man understands that it’s important for him to tell you what’s going on at work so you feel more connected to him, he’ll be willing to tell you about it.

For the record, he thinks you’re great
 
And, finally, stop worrying so much about what men think of you. But if you really want to know, here’s what a few guys had to say on the matter:

“Sometimes I wonder if God created women to show men what physical perfection looks like.  If a man truly loves his woman, nothing will be more beautiful to him than her. Nothing.”

“Chill out. Women worry way too much. They're worried about being loved. They’re worried about being appreciated. They’re worried that deep down there is something horrible about them. But it's not true. Trust me. Every woman is loved by someone. And, in a way, every woman is absolutely beautiful, no matter what people say.”