o, tell me about yourself.” Everyone who’s ever had a job interview recognizes this request. Wanting to impress a potential employer, you try to summarize your entire life in just a few sentences. It’s tough to do. The search for a future mate can be even more daunting than looking for that perfect job, and there are some important things to keep in mind as you communicate with those you date.

It’s exciting that Christian singles are no longer limited to dating people only in their own communities, due to the availability of online dating. So, you’ve spent time in prayer asking for God’s guidance in your search for a mate and you know the type of person you want to share your life with. Now you’ve taken the next step and joined a Christian online dating site and you’re ready to meet someone. What comes next?

Begin with the basics

As a member of a dating site you’ll be “introduced” online to eligible singles who could be possible matches for you. The next step is simply communicating with them. It’s not as complicated as it may at first seem. It involves sharing honestly and openly about yourself, your hopes and dreams, likes and dislikes, past experiences, and your beliefs and values. It’s about being yourself, just as you are, and getting to know others just as they are.

To do that, you start by writing e-mails, talking on the phone, and asking questions. Lots of questions! Though asking questions to get to know each other can be awkward at first, if you relax and enjoy the conversations, it soon becomes easy and natural.

Getting to know you

Learn to ask the right questions, ones that bring out the information you want to know about a person, such as:

    • What do you do for a living?
    • Tell me about your spiritual life.
    • What do you like to do on a date?
    • What are your hobbies? What do you do in your spare time?
    • Tell me about your family. Do you have children? Grandchildren?
    • How do you feel about pets? Do you have any?
    • What do you do for fun or to relax?
    • What’s your greatest pet peeve?
    • If you could do anything you wanted, what would it be?
    • What was your major in college?
    • What are your political philosophies?
    • What was your childhood like?

By asking questions, you can discover valuable information that goes beyond the actual answer. You can learn the individual’s character traits, energy level, whether the person is needy or confidently independent, and what’s really important to that person. A particular question may open up several other areas of focus. When discussing something as simple as types of restaurants the individual enjoys, you can learn whether this person is high maintenance and uses money to impress, or whether the person is content with simple pleasures in life. Or whether he or she is an extrovert or prefers to stay home.

Kevin and Tasha met online, and they enjoyed their phone conversations while getting better acquainted. They remember that they had a great time inventing scenarios where they would quiz each other on how they would respond in certain situations. One question Tasha asked Kevin was how he would handle being cut off in traffic by another driver; what would he say or do. Kevin asked Tasha another scenario about how she would respond if they had bought expensive concert tickets and he got sick and had to cancel at the last minute. They learned a lot about each other playing this fun game of “what if!”

Ask questions designed to discover characteristics and lifestyle about your online date such as:

    • Whether she likes to travel
    • Whether he smokes or drinks
    • If she is a caregiver for a child or parent
    • If he has serious health problems
    • If she considers herself liberal or conservative
    • What types of movies and TV shows he likes
    • Whether he is a Type A personality or more laid back
    • If she participates in sports or just enjoys being a spectator

This kind of information helps to paint a picture of the person’s lifestyle and personality. While there are no right or wrong answers to the questions, they will certainly reveal whether the two of you would be compatible.

Philip, who has been dating online for several months, says he often poses the same question from several different angles at various times to see if his match is consistent with her answers. He explains it isn’t so much what he asks, but what he listens for in her answers. He recalls that the “deal breaker” with one woman came when he asked her to describe her ideal day, to which she replied, “Waking up at the crack of noon, watching movies and eating chocolates all day.” He is a workaholic dynamo by nature and says he knew they would never be compatible.

What’s that you say?

A week after Carlos and Angela had been e-mailing online, they began talking by phone. They enjoyed laughing and talking together for hours at a time. Angela says she was particularly interested when Carlos boasted about his expensive boat, cars and his financial success. She was quite impressed with his business accomplishments and wanted to get to know him better. However, before they were to meet in person for a first date, Angela happened to discover (through her job at the courthouse) that Carlos had more than 10 lawsuits filed against him for nonpayment of debts and he was currently in bankruptcy. In all their conversations, he not only failed to mention he was in bankruptcy but, in fact, implied just the opposite. When she discovered he had been less than truthful, she canceled their date and ended the relationship. Sometimes what is boasted about, as well as what is left unsaid, proves to be very revealing.

When dating online, it helps to listen carefully for any clues that tell you when you need to learn more about a person before getting too serious.

More and more Christian singles are meeting their soul mates through online dating. It can be an awesome and exciting adventure to meet new friends or the love of your life, through the Internet. In this pursuit and in all decisions, Christians are to seek God’s will. In addition to keeping the above communication tips in mind, it’s important to pray during the process of getting to know your online date better. As the psalmist wrote, “Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth ….” (Psalm 25:4-5) Asking for the Lord’s guidance as to his will is especially important when seeking a marriage partner. He will help you hear what he wants you to understand about the potential mate you’re getting to know as you and your date answer: “So, tell me about yourself.”