f the greatest Teacher of all time quizzed you on your relationships, how would you rate? The Teacher gave you and me a basic assignment: “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34) He also provided the Bible, a comprehensive “study guide” with multiple examples to follow. If the Book featured a quiz testing us on our ability to love as Jesus loves, most of us, in my opinion, would score somewhere between a D- and a B+. Come, join me in a quiz based on 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

The first few questions are fairly simple:

“Are you patient?” Yes.
“Are you kind?” Yes.
“Do you envy? Do you boast? Are you proud?” Not usually. No. Sometimes.
“Are you rude?” No.

Then the questions get a little tougher:

“Are you self-seeking?” I don't think so.
“Are you easily angered?” Not often.
“Do you keep a record of wrongs?” Uh oh.

Did someone deceive, betray or cheat you? Make you feel unimportant, foolish or stupid? Hurtful acts are hard to forget. We tend to keep a mental record listing another's wrongs, a rap sheet that comes in handy, for instance, when engaged in an argument with the guilty one. There's certainly nothing like a stinging reminder of the past to put someone in his place! But keeping a record of a loved one's wrongs is wrong. Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” The Teacher's response was, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Matthew 18:21-22)

“Do you delight in evil?” Surely not.

This may require some uncomfortable self-scrutiny. Have you ever heard some negative gossip and felt a twinge of excitement? Have you ever heard someone's bad news and felt a “misery loves company” sort of comfort? While most of us don't throw a party celebrating another's misfortunes, our human nature actually sometimes delights in other people's mishaps, mistakes and downfalls. It's what makes home videos funny and soap operas enticing. But the truth is, when we allow ourselves to enjoy other people's problems, we do not display a Christlike love. The apostle Paul instructed, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12:15)

“Do you always protect those you love?” I try.
“Do you always trust?” Sigh.

Trust is a tricky issue. We would like to always trust, but we don't want to appear foolish or naïve. We don't want to set ourselves up for disappointment or betrayal. In actuality, there is only One who will never disappoint or betray us, but that doesn't mean we can't trust others. In fact, in order to function in relationships, we must place some confidence in those around us. The trick is to understand the difference between healthy trust and foolish naiveté. We can ask the Holy Spirit for guidance, wisdom and discernment so that we can place our trust in the right people without fear of getting burned.

“Do you always hope? Do you always persevere?” Not always, no.

When a problem surfaces in your relationships, how do you react? Do you try to work through the issue with communication, compromise and support? Or are you tempted to throw up your hands and abandon the relationship altogether? For instance, how would you react if your defiant teenager says he hates you? Or if your spouse begins to drink heavily? When faced with situations like these, it's important to remember that true love doesn't throw the baby out with the bath water. It holds onto hope when the clouds roll in and it perseveres through the storms.

If you're like me, you may find this quiz to be somewhat eye opening. Perhaps you realize that your relationships aren't as healthy as they could be or that you could use a little more help from the Teacher in learning to love as he does. Fortunately, he is always available for tutoring and his Spirit will help you in your weakness with a love that never fails. (Romans 8:26; 1 Corinthians 13:8).

Editor's note: This article is an op-ed and, therefore, reflects the opinions of the writer.