aren Kingsbury is used to being number one – at least when it comes to circulation of her best-selling novels, 15 million of which are currently in print. With more than 40 books under her belt including 10 that climbed to the top of New York Times or USA Today best-sellers lists, Kingsbury’s name is synonymous with inspirational fiction. The trend only continues with recent releases such as “Sunset” and “This Side of Heaven.”

But the author side of Karen’s life is only a small part of the equation, believe it or not. As a mother of six, including three recently adopted boys from Haiti, Karen and her husband, Donald, have their hands full. It’s a busy life with many plates spinning that could foster a chaotic environment.

Yet Karen explains there’s no tension at home with the one of them being in the spotlight, having a career that takes her away from time to time. In fact, the marriage is the perfect complement with each partner fully supporting and loving the other in ways that only seem to enhance the ministry even further. And that enables God to truly shine between the two of them.

“Donald is a great guy who comes across like an extrovert since he's a coach and a teacher,” says Kingsbury. “But he's really an introvert. He really has to process things and refuel in a quieter way, so he's completely fine with me being this outgoing. A lot of times, I'll be out front in events and you can't even find him because he's in the background just watching and praying for me. I couldn't be out doing what I'm doing if it wasn't for him.”

Kingsbury says her public-speaking engagements present the greatest challenge to her family involvement, but her husband attends to needs at home during those times. “I travel with my mom,” she says. “Our only daughter is Kelsey and she's 19-years-old. I'll be gone about 15 to 20 times each year for a brief one- or two-day trip, but it's still time away. My husband is amazing. He just takes over without any question, filling in when I'm not there for the kids, whether it's doing a carpool or being a scorekeeper for the game.”

The Kingsbury family. Front row, left to right: Sean, EJ, Kelsey, Tyler. Back row, left to right: Austin, Donald, Karen, Josh.

Again and again, Karen insists that the ministry of her writing is a partnership only made possible by the work of both husband and wife. So even though she’s the one writing and speaking and receiving the credit, it’s Donald’s servant heart and prayerful attitude that fuels the engine.

“Together, I think we make a great team and we're able to do this together. We believed from the very beginning that there is no point to life if Christ is not at the center. Every day must be lived for Christ – in every way. It's impossible to be perfect, so the challenge of living it out is always there and we've always enjoyed taking that together.”

Learning the right language

“One thing that's important is learning who the other person is – no matter if it's your spouse or mate or a dying grandmother or a young child,” says Kingsbury. “If you have a relationship with someone, it's important to really learn who they are, learn their love language, learn what makes them feel loved. Then you can operate from that standpoint. Our first couple years of marriage, we didn't really get that. I was more about the love languages of time and touch and his love language was acts of service. But since I didn’t know that, it left me wondering, ‘Why are you in there doing the dishes? You should be sitting in here with me.’”

Kingsbury notes those early lessons in their marriage taught them to focus away from their own concerns and needs and try to look through the eyes of the other person. Noting how another person gives and receives love allowed her to notice every instance where Donald was trying to display love -- instead of her overlooking his act of love.

Of course, with that comes the belief that Donald even wants to show affection in the first place. “Looking through the eyes of the other person goes hand in hand with the other idea that's worked very well for us, which is to expect the best from the other person,” states Kingsbury. “It's really easy to get into thinking ‘Why are you doing that?’ or ‘How come you're having that tone or approach with me?’ But if you come into every situation expecting the best of the other person, you avoid a lot of misunderstandings.”

She continues, “You have to really appreciate that the other person is not wired the same way that you are, so you need to expect the best. The other person loves you, so you can feel safe and know that that person is looking out for both of you.”

Refusing to fight

Donald and Karen Kingsbury.

Kingsbury often speaks of the safety she feels within her marriage – a sign of a stable, loving home. It’s a comfort cultivated through years of properly working through conflict – choosing a healthy response within the tension and not giving in to the emotions of the moment. As Kingsbury explains, it began as the couple’s promise early on to never fight and has developed into a strong foundation upon which they’ve built a family.

“I think a big thing that we decided very early on is that we never even say the word ‘divorce.’ So since we're absolutely guaranteed to stay together, there's also no need for fighting. That's something he came up with in the very beginning and he just said, ‘I'm just never going to fight with you.’ It's not that we really fought a lot, but it's more that it was just a waste of time to fight. We don't have enough time together as it is. Early on, it was even frustrating because I wondered, ‘Aren't you going to say anything?’ But he's been really good that way. If he gets quiet, sometimes it's hard because I want to know what he's thinking, but it's good for me to give him a little bit of space.”

Kingsbury concludes, “I think it's just important to best friends, to avoid fighting and to make that commitment.”