s a seasoned Christian counselor, Tim Clinton has seen and heard it all: failed marriages, wayward children, unspeakable abuse, depression, abandonment, addictions, grief, guilt. Many of the clients who have walked through the door of his counseling office sit in church pews weekly, feeling isolated, and failing to find what they desperately seek: acceptance, love and healing. They are the "walking wounded" of the Christian community. Helping them is Clinton’s mission.
 
By himself, he knows he can only help a relative handful of people. But through the Forest, Va.-based American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) and its many tools, Clinton has a multitude of vital resources at his disposal. He has helped train and mobilize an army of fellow professional counselors, pastors and laymen – 50,000 strong today, with an increasing international presence – who have a common goal: to bring hope and healing to a world of hurting people through biblical counseling and support and to shore up the cracked foundations of ailing families.

“Through the years, I’ve really learned how important the home is and how important marriage is,” Clinton says. “I’ve learned that, as the home goes, so go our children, and I really believe, so goes the Church. Because of that – placing a great premium on developing healthy relationships – everybody wins.”

Clinton, the son of a pastor who lost a battle with cancer in 2007, grew up in a large family. He was born fifth in a line of eight children, the oldest of the second group. Yet, he and his siblings never felt lost in the shuffle. Clinton says his father “always radiated a confidence and a boldness in his faith. He made you want to find out who God was and to enjoy a relationship with him like he did.”

“In one of my final conversations with my dad,” recalls Clinton, “we were talking about his life. He shared with me that he couldn’t believe how fast his life had gone. He said, ‘Tim, you’ve got to live every moment. My ministry started with my family. I want you to remember something: It ended with my family.’ It was a big statement to me.”

Setting the example

Julie and Tim Clinton

Tim and his wife, Julie, place a high priority on faith and family togetherness. They are a typical family, busy with life, and trying to keep it all balanced. Tim credits Julie with ensuring that “home is a place to go to.” But he makes sure his presence is felt there, as well.

Tim Clinton

“I think if you ask either of our children (18-year-old Megan and 13-year-old Zach) if their father has ever forfeited something that meant a lot to them, they would say no, that Tim always put them first,” says Julie. “Sometimes, Tim’s given up some pretty big opportunities in order to be around when somebody might say, ‘oh, that little event with your child is not as important as going and speaking.’ But, you know, you can save the world and lose your own children.”

The Extraordinary Women (EWomen) ministry keeps Julie busy, as well. The EWomen outreach has a substantial impact on women’s lives, she says.

“EWomen is an opportunity for women of all different types of backgrounds to get together on a common ground and to hear speakers through whom they can be educated, inspired and encouraged. The speakers we choose are women who haven’t escaped bad things in their lives. We realize we’re all in this together; we all love the Lord, we all struggle, but we’re going to make it.”

Between Tim’s travels to speak and to train pastors and counselors and Julie’s work with the EWomen conferences and association, life can get pretty hectic for the Clinton household. How do they hold it together?

“One of the key traits of being ‘successful’ is being resourceful – having the right people to help you manage what you’ve got,” says Tim. “We’ve worked hard at keeping our personal priorities. For now, our kids are the most important thing in our life. Every night I can, I’m going to be there with my children, talking to them and praying with them. Likewise for Julie. We work very hard on putting together our calendars so we know we’ve got each other covered. We try to keep some time in there for the two of us.”

Helping families deal with the tough stuff

While Julie Clinton feels burdened for the particular needs of women, Tim likewise has empathy for the unique problems men face.

“I think one of the greatest challenges for men is that they are very closed, walled off or private. There are some areas in their life they really struggle talking about with anyone. Men have a hard time talking about God because it demands a relationship. They have a hard time talking about the failures in their life. They often have difficulty talking about their fathers, … about love. They are so performance oriented, and to fail means they are a failure. So, they don’t necessarily engage at church or engage in relationships with significant others.”

Adds Julie, “Women want to be able to talk and feel safe and secure.” What does she see as a big challenge facing women?

“Busyness. Women are always busy with the kids, busy at home. We have great responsibilities. We’re not always taking care of ourselves. Women might not get the sleep they need, might not spend the time they should with their husbands. Women tend to be perfectionistic. My mom used to tell me, ‘When God returns, he won’t care if your house is perfect.’ That’s the ‘Martha syndrome.’”

Women tend to be overly industrious in another area, Julie points out. “On the other part of it, we’re trying to get our husbands to be exactly what we want them to be rather than working on our relationship with God and saying, ‘Have my husband see you, Christ, through me – what you want me to become’ – and not ‘Let me see what I can do to change him.’”

Another problem Tim encounters too often as a counselor is parents not developing enough emotional closeness with their children.

Tim Clinton

“There is not a parent at any given moment who doesn’t know whether or not they are close to their kids – each specific child. Research consistently shows the thing that makes children happy is a relationship with their parents. That only comes through spending time with them and being intimately involved in their lives. What they really want are overdoses of you.”

Are the “home wars” going to get worse before they get better?

“I think anything that has great potential for good has great potential for pain and brokenness. Anything that means something to God, I really believe that all hell is against it,” says Tim. “If relationship is the essence of life and marriage, a beautiful bond where we are naked and unashamed, free and safe like Genesis 2:24-25 tells us, then a great challenge will be against that relationship. It’s been that way since Genesis 3.

Bringing the church out of denial

Clinton cites some discomfiting statistics everywhere he goes.

“Forty percent of America’s kids are in a home where a biological father doesn’t live. If you’ve got a divorce rate at one in two individuals who marry now, there’s a lot of pain and brokenness there. Sexual disorders or addictions are becoming very commonplace in the church. Mark Laaser, a friend of mine and a Christian author addressing the issue of sexual addiction, estimates that one in every four people sitting in a pew is sexually addicted. I think that’s a pretty strong statement. Sexual abuse: one in three girls, conservatively. It’s the same in the pew. Don’t tell me that doesn’t affect or infect how we do relationships.”

Clinton likes to evoke Psalm 127: “Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. …”

Julie and Tim Clinton

“Until we realize that God wants to bless our relationships or we follow some simple truths about relationships, we’re going to be sort of empty,” he says. “And if people are simply going on Sunday morning to a church service that’s a performance and it’s not really about developing intimacy with God, then, how do the people grow? How do they really break free? How do they really experience what Jesus said he came to do, and that was to set the captives free?”

Clinton sees one particular burden in need of being lifted in our churches for real healing and a sense of community taking place.

“We still have people who deny or look down or frown on people who have emotional problems as if they have leprosy or are some weird aberration or for some reason God is not working in their lives. We need to arrest that problem. We do that by continuing to educate, help rescue people and set them free: ‘my people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. …’” (Hosea 4:6).