ow can we comfort a Christian who has lost a loved one who may never have come to believe in Jesus Christ as Savior? The deceased person may have even attended church and heard the Gospel but still rejected the Lord. What can we say or do for the broken-hearted loved ones left behind?

If you are an acquaintance of the family and friends who witnessed to their loved one both by word and deeds but did not see visible results of faith in Christ, you are someone who can provide much-needed comfort to them.

The first thing we need to do is assure them of our love for them and remind them of God’s love and comfort. 2 Corinthians 1:2-4 says, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

If you have experienced God’s comfort, tell them your story. Don’t preach — just explain how you felt and what God did for you.

There are other things that we can do when we talk with them. Don’t offer trite statements about death and suffering such as, “He is better off now,” “At least she is no longer in pain and suffering from this disease,” or “God always knows best.”

If you are like most of us, you will have a tendency to talk too much. Don’t force conversation. Keep silent and let them lead the conversation. Sometimes the best thing we can do is just be there, ready to listen, ready with a hug and share tears.

There are seven phases that we all experience when death comes to one of our loved ones: shock or disbelief; denial; bargaining; guilt; anger; depression; and, finally, acceptance and hope. It is also possible to experience these phases in a different order; someone might, for instance, start by feeling guilt or anger.

If the person you want to comfort is in the anger and hostility stage, he or she may ask, “Why did God do this to me?” There will be times or periods of weeping. Weep with them and do not try to explain “why God did this.” Don’t pretend to have an answer for everything.

Admit that you do not understand why or how God does what he does but you know he acts from love, for he states in Hebrews 4:16: “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” His love includes grace and mercy when we need it the most.

Show them Bible passages that give comfort and hope for their healing. Use some verses that have been a help to you when you needed hope and comfort.

As time passes, those who grieve will come to the acceptance phase of grieving, the last step in recovery — admitting their loss and adjusting to it.

A verse that I like and has been a comfort to me is in 1 Corinthians 10:13, which says that no temptation — meaning trial — “has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” Let the people grieving know that their problem is not unique and that the Lord has brought others through similar difficult situations.

Be sure the person attends church on a regular basis. If the loved one is someone who is now attending church alone, sit with that person. People grieving and experiencing troubling questions that can impact faith definitely need Christian fellowship. Also make an effort to take the person out to lunch, dinner or a movie. Do not let the loved one stay at home alone with grief. Help the loved one left behind see and experience that the world still goes on despite grief and that you are still a friend he or she can rely on.

There is also this thought you can offer at a later date: the person who died may have made a profession of faith in Jesus Christ as Savior and not told anyone. We should not be too harsh to judge. Even the thief on the cross next to Jesus received Jesus as his Savior as he was dying.

What can we say to a person who is grieving? Very little. And the Bible does not give us much direction for this kind of experience, where someone dies possibly without having made a decision to accept Jesus as Savior. In actuality, words sometimes have little effect; but our actions have a lasting effect.

I recall in 1971 when my first wife had a mastectomy and the biopsy showed she had cancer. We were heart-broken at the news. Later that afternoon a friend came to visit. He stood in the hospital hallway with me; he hugged me, and we cried together. Neither of us spoke, but I remember this incident as though it were yesterday. A hug and tears. Caring. How much that meant to me! Do not be afraid to show your emotions to someone who is grieving. It may mean more than you will ever know.

Grieving is a difficult time. There is an intense, emotional suffering caused by the personal loss. There is sorrow, deep sadness, suffering, pain, anguish, and sometimes guilt and anger. It is a lonely condition. The loved ones left behind need your presence much more than they need your words.

But when it comes to words, the twenty-third Psalm is a comfort, especially verse 4, “Even though I walk though the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me ….” It is a great comfort to know that we never have to walk alone, no matter what we are experiencing, if we are believers and live by faith.

Let the love of Jesus work through you to be a comfort to the person who has lost a loved one who may have never received Jesus as Savior. When we depend upon the Holy Spirit to guide us at such times to provide exactly the kind of comfort the individual needs, we can make a lasting difference in someone’s life.