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o you have a friend, neighbor, or co-worker who currently has a family member serving in the war effort? Our military families are apart from their loved ones and sacrifice for us daily. Christians can demonstrate the love of Christ by supporting these families in a variety of meaningful ways. 1 Peter 4:10 says “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.”

Nancy Minsky and Chaplain Lieutenant Colonel-Retired Barry Minsky.

Our military families are lonely, especially during the holiday season. I remember the feeling all too well. My husband, Chaplain Lieutenant Colonel-Retired Barry Minsky, served 27 years in the U.S. Army. One of his deployments was to the DMZ in Korea for one year. Our children and I left Ft. Leonard Wood, MO and went back to our home in New Jersey during that year.

My days were extremely lonely when Barry was deployed. I had little contact with other couples because I was now without my husband. A man talked to me at church and gave a word of kindness, but his wife came and stood next to him, holding his arm, and led him away. I didn’t want her husband. I wanted my husband.

Half of my heart and life was gone. Some days I just wanted to reach out and hug my sweetheart. But I kept busy; I couldn’t take time to be discouraged; I needed to serve as the bulwark of love and strength for our family.

I read God’s Word, my source of hope and strength. I spent time with my mother. I supported Barry’s parents. I drove our teenagers to work. Our daughter Debbie and I took college classes together. I directed a soldiers’ choir and played piano for a chaplain’s service at Fort Dix. Our son Joel sat at the head of our dining room table and said, “I’ll be glad when my Dad comes home to take his place at the head of this table.”

Deployments take a toll on families

Lois Taylor, wife of Lieutenant Colonel Gary Taylor, an Army National Guard chaplain, recalls her husband’s deployment. “With the news that Gary was called up, I went into denial since our orders didn’t arrive until days before he left. Even as he quietly prepared for his departure, I thought he was preparing for an event that wasn’t going to happen.”

But it did happen. When it came time to tell their children, Lois and Gary called a family night with pizza and a movie … featuring Gary’s words: “ Kids, I have something to tell you.”

Gary’s deployment news was received in silence and quiet tears. Then the dam broke. “But Daddy, you won’t be here for my 13th birthday.” “You’ll miss my 21st birthday.” “You’ll be away for my high school graduation.” “It’s our 25th wedding anniversary.” “What about Christmas?” When things calmed down, tears turned to laughter as Joshua, the Taylor’s Down Syndrome child, gave his input, “Yeah! Daddy Army, now pizza and movie.”

Chaplain Gary and Lois Taylor

Families make an effort to maintain as much stability as they can. Lois says, amidst the mad emotional scramble to prepare for deployment, “Gary bought “The Message” Bibles for both of us and worked out a schedule so we could read together while separated.”

But the couple needed to deal with their children’s reactions, especially their 12-year-old’s anger. “The year before, she had seen me emotionally distraught over our 20-year-old daughter going through basic training and her Military Operational Specialty training,” Lois explains. “Lying on our bed one night, she confessed to me, ‘You know Mom, one time you were so upset over Charissa being away, that I thought if I took my life the Army would have to let her come home and you would be happy again.’ Wow! I was speechless, breathless.”

Today’s military often initiates deployments more frequently and they last for longer periods of time, causing even more stress for the separated families.

My family is far away

I recently attended and spoke at a Savannah, GA chapter of the worldwide military spouses support organization, Protestant Women Of The Chapel (PWOC). I saw the ladies’ hearts, their loyal patriotism, and love for the Lord and their families. They shared prayer requests.

After Emily Woodmansee’s husband was deployed, she stood alone by her baby’s side, as he had a CT scan at the medical center while her husband served proudly representing the American people in another country. Emily asks, “Pray for my son; he’s six months old.”

An officer’s wife shared her heart: “I want a man to take my son out to a football game. My boy misses his dad.”

One military mom said, “I need to work, and I am trying to keep off food stamps by working; but I also have to be there to get my children when they get out of school. I cannot afford after-school care, and I do not want them running around the neighborhood the way the other kids are. My family is far away and I do not know many people here.”

I asked the Army wives, “How can the American people help someone who currently has a family member serving in harm’s way?” Sarah Thompson, a sergeant’s wife said, “We’re all far from home. We don’t have our family, so we feel alone sometimes. Civilians can help single moms of deployed soldiers. Offer to watch our children. We need a break. We’re filling both parenting roles.”

U.S. Army wives, Hunter Army Airfield, Savannah, Georgia. First row: Janell Morris, Shonda Hinton, Emily Woodmansee. Second row: Carey Strickland (mother of Valeri Moore), Valeri Moore, Sarah Thompson, Nancy Minsky

One lady said, “Some days we just need someone who just understands and can listen. We need someone who would contact us on a regular basis, to show that we matter and that we are not alone — that someone would be a blessing.”

Send me!

A family moved into my neighborhood last year, with military stickers on their windshield. I took a bouquet of flowers to welcome them to our neighborhood. Andrea was appreciative. Her husband Jose is an Army Ranger, a platoon sergeant, and was deployed at the time. One evening, Andrea knocked on our door. “I have a job interview and need help; please watch my girls.” Barry and I watched her three preschool girls and gave them dinner. When Andrea had surgery, I made dinner and took it to her with a plant.

God brought Andrea’s husband home safe from the war. He came over to meet us and said he appreciated our simple kindness and offer of help to his family.
Andrea shares, “Communication is important. When Jose was deployed, he had e-mail and phone lines. When the soldiers are gone, separation makes you thankful for what you have. I missed my husband a lot. I know what sacrifices he made. Jose earned two bronze stars. I had confidence in my husband when he was gone. I had faith in my husband’s training in his job, and in him as a person. My husband is doing something honorable and respectable; his family can say, ‘Hey, he did a good thing!’

Andrea Barreiro and SSG Jose Barreiro

Andrea is typical of many military wives. As a supportive wife, and a strong woman who cherishes her family, she expresses the words of Psalm 46:1, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” She reads her Bible — “I started from the front and kept reading.” They couple goes to church together as often as they can, and their children love church. “My girls enjoy Bible stories, their children’s Bible, and Veggie Tales.” says Andrea. She and Jose are examples of the many strong believers in the American military. They obey God’s Word and serve to defend their country.

Andrea shares, “People upset me when they criticize our military at war. The guys over there are the ones who give them the right to free speech. If people feel that way, they should keep it to themselves, and let everyone be at peace. Obviously our military believes in what we are doing.”

Andrea Barreiro

Andrea and Jose’s favorite Bible verse is Isaiah 6:8: Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” She adds, “Jose and I know the Lord has called us to serve in the military.”

Imagine the blessings if we as Christians obey God’s command to love others as ourselves and take the attitude of “send me” to care about and support a military family.

Betty Haldeman

Practical Christianity

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12) Everyone can help support our military in some way, like Betty Haldeman, wife of retired Army Sergeant Major Bob Haldeman. To welcome home the troops, she baked 80,000 brownies, which Betty and Bob took to the HAAF DAG, from which soldiers are deployed at Hunter Army Airfield. President George W. Bush visited Fort Stewart, GA and presented Betty with his official President of the United States pin with his signature on the back.

The holidays are particularly lonely for military families. Their home and relatives are far away. Their husbands and wives, sisters and brothers, sons and daughters, fathers and mothers are deployed overseas. Visit and share some sunshine. Make a meal for a military family or invite them over for dinner. Take them to church with you. Military wives need help checking out their cars to make sure they are safe. Take the families pastry, toiletries, a plant, magazine, book, or a DVD.

My husband, Dr. Barry J. Minsky, a trained counselor and minister, shares, “When I visit and just allow individuals to share their concerns, they are blessed. Allow people to vent. Don’t judge; just listen to what they say. Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to Christ will certainly not lose his reward.” (Mark 9:41)

The Bible further says in Philippians 2:4-5, 7a, “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus … taking the very nature of a servant.” Visit a family of a deployed military service member and give some tangible item that says: “You’re valuable and I care.”

Let them know you are there. Don’t say, “Call me if you need help.” Of course they need help! Their spouses are deployed overseas in harms’ way! Here are some suggestions on practical ways to be supportive:

1. Help babysit while parents run to the store, do errands, or see a doctor.
2. Help with lawn care. An enlisted wife told me, “I need help to mow the grass.”
3. Call, or go visit, and say, “Come on over for dinner.” Military spouses need friendship and conversation.
4. When you go to a movie, to church, or shopping, call and say, “I’ll pick you up. Let’s go together.”
5. As you enjoy sports events with your family, take along some military children of a deployed soldier.
6. Call and say, “Come on over. Let’s have a cup of tea and talk. Do you play chess?”
7. Invite them to places: “Let’s go to the beauty salon.” “Let’s go to the gym and work out.”
8. Stop by and say, “I’m bringing home fast food for dinner tonight. I’m going to buy dinner for you and your family, too.”
9. Ask for their e-mail address and let them share their feelings and needs with you online.
10. Send cards, notes of encouragement to both the family at home and the soldier. Those away serving want to know their family members are not forgotten. It relieves the soldiers to know others are looking out for their families at home.
11. The first few months are probably the most difficult for those left behind. Military spouses are feeling lost without their partner and trying to get some balance and normalcy in their home life. Sleep can often be elusive. Remember, they are dealing with more things at home than they have before, and they can get overwhelmed (especially if there are children in the home). Don't assume they have more time on their hands.
12. Ask your church to have a support team to aid military families and to pray for them.
13. Locate a military post or base near you and offer help to the military families.
14. Pray for our country and our leaders in time of war. Pray for those who fight for our freedom. Pray for their families back home. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. (James 5:16b)
    

If you do not already personally know a military family, look for cars with an official military sticker on the top front center of the windshield. Or call a military post or base near you and ask for the chaplain’s office. Contact the Department of the Army, Air Force, or Navy. Ask what you can do to help.

Get involved. They need a friend to offer a helping hand and to demonstrate they care; you, too, will be blessed. You can display the love of God … be kind and compassionate to one another (Ephesians 4:32). Demonstrate practical Christianity and, by your actions, say: “I appreciate the sacrifice you and your spouse are making for our nation. Thank you.”

Let U.S. service men and women deployed in harm’s way, fighting for our country, rest with the security that their families are loved and appreciated back home. George Washington’s words written in “The Hand of Providence” (“The American Minute,” August 20, 1778) echo today the need for society to intervene: "The Hand of Providence has been so conspicuous in all this — the course of the war — that he must be worse than an infidel that lacks faith, and more wicked that has not gratitude to acknowledge his obligations."

Tips for Communicating with Military Spouses

Communicating with military spouses while their partners are deployed carries some sensitivities. Here are some do’s and don’ts:

• Don't say: "Oh, he/she is only going to be gone nine months (or whatever length of time. It isn't that long." Maybe to you it isn't, but to the family member it can seem like an eternity.
  
• Don't say: "Give me a call anytime you need something." Chances are, they won't call. They don't want to bother anyone, and they are trying to handle things themselves.
  
• Do say: "I'll be over to cut your lawn. Does it matter to you what day I come?” Or "I'll bring dinner over tomorrow night." Or “How about if I take the kids so you can get a nap or catch up on something? What day this week works for you?" Offer help in a very specific way with a definite time and date.
  
• Don't tell the boys in the family, "Now you are the head of the house." They aren't; they are children and need to be allowed to be children.
  
• Don't tell the soldier's children your politics of the war if you disagree with it. The children's family members are obeying orders, and the children need to be honored for their soldier's service to our country.
  
• Don't run down the U.S. President in front of the soldier's children or wife. Don't put them in a position of defending their husband's/fathers’s Commander-in-Chief.
  

Did You Know? Support for American soldiers and aid to the soldiers’ family members began at the time our country was founded. In May, 1783, the Society of the Cincinnati was formed as a hereditary, military and patriotic organization by officers who had served in the American Revolution. Its objectives were to promote union and national honor, maintain their war-born friendship, perpetuate the rights for which they had fought, and aid members and their families in case of need. The society took its name from a Roman citizen-soldier. (Source: Encyclopedia Britannica online: “Society of the Cincinnati”)