ecky swallowed the tears that lately flowed at the slightest provocation. Normally confident and purposeful, she’d become indecisive and fearful. People who usually didn’t bother her now irritated her. Activities that formerly excited her no longer held her interest. Her once safe and secure world was falling apart, and she felt helpless to do anything about it. Fortunately, Becky had a few close friends who advised her to seek professional help. She took her friends’ advice and eventually returned to her normal, healthy self.

Does Becky’s situation describe you? If so, it may be time for you to get help, too.

First, understand that needing help is not shameful. At some point, all of us need the help of others. What often keeps us from asking for help is pride. But is clinging to pride worth your mental health? Scripture states that pride precedes a fall (Proverbs 16:18). Are you going to let pride plunge you into more serious problems?

Yet, seeking the help of a professional counselor is a decision fraught with ambiguities. Despite the fact that, in some circles, having a counselor is considered chic, there still exists a stigma surrounding it. People who need a counselor are often considered to be “weaker” than those who can handle the problems of life on their own. The truth is that those who know they need a counselor and get one are usually the strong ones. They recognize they have a problem and are willing to take the necessary steps to overcome it. For this they deserve affirmation, not reproach.

Reasons for seeking a counselor range from generic to pathological. Among the most common are depression, anxiety and fear. People also get counseling to resolve identity issues, relationship problems, and transition challenges, whether career-oriented, like losing a job, or personal, like having a baby. A smaller number of people seek counseling in a crisis, such as a suicide attempt.

Symptoms of the need for counseling

But how do you know if you need a counselor? And if you determine you do need one, how do you choose the right one?

The following symptoms indicate that professional counseling may be warranted:

• You cry at the slightest provocation or for seemingly no reason at all.
• You experience irrational outbursts of anger, especially over trivial matters.
• You feel depressed or generally "blue."
• You have trouble sleeping.
• You feel like a failure.
• You have difficulty concentrating.
• You are continually tired.
• You have medically unfounded physical complaints.
• You experience frustration at unmet expectations.
• You get uptight when things aren't perfect.
• You feel guilty when you relax, or you have trouble relaxing.
• You are constantly irritable and "on edge."
• You are bored and lack motivation or a sense of purpose.
• You feel unsure about yourself.
• You feel trapped or restless.
• You are having serious marriage, parenting or relationship problems.
• You have trouble coping or performing the normal functions of daily life.

While many of the above symptoms may be temporary, if they persist for more than two weeks, you should seek counseling. Some symptoms, however, like thoughts of hurting yourself or others, require immediate intervention.

How to choose a counselor

When choosing a counselor, there are several things to consider. Above all, the counselor should be a genuine Christian, not one in name only. Some counselors call themselves “Christian” only to attract Christian clients. Other counselors who are Christians give more weight to secular counseling philosophy than to Scripture. According to Pastor David Martin, former Chaplain at Regent University, “Unfortunately, not everyone who claims to be a ‘Christian counselor’ operates with a personal and professional commitment to Christ-centered soul care.”[1]

The following suggestions will help you choose a counselor:

1) First of all, pray. Professional Counselor Sharon Brani of Culpeper, Virginia (www.sharonbrani.com), says, “Start your search with prayer, asking God to lead you.” A good place to start looking for a counselor is with your pastor. Pastors who are not themselves professional counselors can often recommend solid, Bible-based Christian counselors.

2) Assess your counseling needs. For instance, a pastoral counselor may or may not be professionally trained or hold a license in counseling. A professional counselor, on the other hand, is trained to deal with serious problems and must hold a state license. A psychiatrist is a physician specifically trained in the behavioral sciences and can prescribe medication, while a lay counselor is not licensed but can help with less serious problems.

Consult local sources, such as churches, doctor’s offices and schools, for referrals. Contact Christian organizations like Focus on the Family (http://www.family.org), New Life Ministries (www.newlife.com), and the American Association of Christian Counselors (http://aacc.net). Asking people you trust for their opinion is ideal. As Brani states, “The best referrals are oftentimes by word of mouth.”

3) Determine compatibility. Schedule an interview appointment with the prospective counselor to determine your mutual compatibility. Ask the following questions:

• Are you licensed or certified? If so, what are your licensing and certification credentials?
• What experience do you have dealing with my problem?
• What counseling methodologies do you use? Some counselors, even Christian counselors, use methods like hypnosis that are prohibited by God’s Word. Learn about different counseling methods before you interview the counselor. And don’t be afraid to ask pointed questions. Your spiritual and psychological safety may be at stake.
• What kinds of payment plans do you offer? Do you accept insurance? If so, what kinds?

With the rise of the nuclear family, counseling needs have soared. Whereas grandparents, aunts and uncles once provided “counseling,” today people often live far from family. For this reason, the counseling profession has proliferated. More and more, local churches are reassuming their God-given responsibility to provide biblical counseling to their congregations through various care-giving programs that are proving very effective.

Bottom line, a counselor will help you identify the lies you are believing and help you replace those lies with God’s truth. In this way, a counselor can be God’s instrument to set you free.

[1] http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/prayerandcounseling/choosing_a_christian_counselor.aspx