ubmit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men ...." (1 Peter 2:13) The apostle Peter's advice to Christians in their daily work is easier read than done. Difficult supervisors can make an individual question whether his vocation is truly God's calling - and how best to respond to conflict with grace and patience.

Love of conflict

Does your supervisor assert her authority by constantly making certain you know she is in charge? There may be underlying reasons, says Shealah Gulick, a licensed master social worker and children's mental health professional.

"Ask yourself if the behavior is consistent in the presence of certain situations," she says. "Everyone has a trigger that can alter his behavior. If you were having a bad day, how do you think you would react in that same situation? If your boss seems to be reacting abnormally to a normal event, there are probably some underlying personal issues."

That said, an employee is not responsible for her supervisor's mental health.

"Everyone has issues, and it is not your job to fix your supervisor's problems. Again, examine policy and codes of conduct to determine if your boss is behaving unprofessionally and what resources you have available to you to manage the problem," Gulick says.

Difficult supervisors can be the type of individuals who are eager to clash with others, says Steve Rathbun, Ph.D., program clinical director of the Center on Family Living at Friends University in Wichita, Kan.

"They, in all likelihood, have other difficult relationships outside of the workplace. They engage in relationships in the workplace like they have always engaged in relationships ... except for those in power above them," he says. "Then they can self-regulate differently!"

Can you cope?

Supervisors who rely on old models of leadership fail to understand the emotional life of those they work with, Rathbun says, and they can exercise an almost "parental" control over the relationship with an employee.

"Control or interpersonal influence needs to flow from the trust of others in the relationship," Rathbun says. "When there is a misuse of control, then employees can withdraw in a self-protective manner."

Yet in Paul's letter to the Ephesians, he encourages Christians to "... obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free." (Ephesians 6:5-8).

How then, do Christians decide if they can cope with what Rathbun calls "a cycle of conflict and avoidance that unleashes anger and resentment and poisons the relational atmosphere"?

Sometimes, a change in jobs is the only answer if a person feels his abilities will never be fully utilized and appreciated. Employees take a different job, on average, every four years, according to the U.S. Department of Labor ("Employee Tenure Summary," January 2006).

"Difficult bosses fail in the responsibility to create and sustain a sense of being a team," Rathbun points out. With this failure there is other collateral fallout: not allowing others to utilize their respective skills and talents."

Before taking the big step of making a job change, Gulick encourages employees to try the following proactive steps:

• Examine your own reactions and attitudes and figure out if they are a barrier to the professional relationship. Be honest with yourself; it typically takes two to tango.
• Express concern — real, not faked — when when a supervisor is being difficult. He might be dealing with a problematic boss as well and may be feeling invalidated or underappreciated. Sometimes your empathy can go a long way to smooth things over.
• Inform your boss that you feel the working relationship is strained and you want to dialog with her on how to improve it. This one takes some humility, but it ensures blame — which could make the relationship even worse — is not placed on either of you.
• Hold yourself accountable for mistakes. Don't let your boss discover it first if you know you screwed up. Let him know what you did and that you are willing to fix it and take any lumps due you.
• Be sure that you recognize when your boss is doing something well and compliment her on it without being ingratiating. Tell others when your boss does something well; more than likely, it will get back to her and she will appreciate it.

"It is important to remember that, most of the time, it is not really about you," Gulick says. "Typically, if your boss feels valued by his employees, he will value them in turn. Even though you personally may not respect your boss as a person, if you are a professional you will be certain to give him the respect that is due his position. Just because he may be acting unprofessionally, doesn't mean you get a free pass to do the same."

A servant's heart

If only every supervisor could follow the advice of Jesus to his disciples in Mark 9:35: "... If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all."

Rathbun compares the selfish qualities of difficult bosses to those of difficult parents.

"They ask for much and give little. The leadership quality is one of entitlement and expectation rather than servant leadership, which is concerned with the well-being of others."

While an employee cannot always cure a difficult supervisor, she can try to practice Christianity in the process.

Martin Luther, 16^th-century German monk and church reformer, gave the following reassurance in "The Sermons of Martin Luther" (Volume II): "For the sake of the good ground that brings forth fruit with patience, the seed must also fall fruitless by the wayside, on the rock and among the thorns; (but) we are assured that the Word of God does not go forth without bearing some fruit."