he older I get/Will I get over it/It's been way too long for the times we missed/
I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think/The older I get/Maybe I'll get over it/It's been way too long for the times we missed/I can't believe it still hurts like this."

One-word answers. Nothing to say to you. Everything to say to their friends. Hours spent watching television, playing video games and chatting on instant messengers. Constantly at a friend's house. Many parents are unaware that they, not their children, are the prime suspects in such cases of killed communication.

When teens and tweens behave with silent defiance, it could be due to their fear of their parent's negativity. The only environment where a child will feel safe and encouraged to talk is a loving and positive environment.

The Christian rock band Skillet wrote the lyrics at the beginning of this article. The inspiration for that song, "The Older I Get," from the album "Comatose," comes from the broken relationship Skillet's lead singer, John Cooper, had with his father. For decades, he hated his father and did not talk to him. Fortunately, he and his father reconciled.

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 13:24 that "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." But parents need to handle the discipline in a manner that does not create a negative environment. Negative words spoken out of anger and frustration are counter to biblical teaching. 2 Timothy 4:2 says, "Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction." Parents need to model speaking in love. Communicating in this manner is not a natural skill, but it's one that parents can learn.

Here are 14 tips and pointers for improving parent-child communication. These strategies can be put in place where there is already existing conflict or no communication from the child. Ideally, by using these strategies early on when raising a child, parents will prevent future communication problems.

1. Cover the time of reconciliation in prayer. No matter how difficult, keep persisting and persevering in prayer.

2. Admit you're part of the problem. Evaluate your attitude and the words that you say.

3. Examine your own life. Is there a generational habit of negativity on your family? Do you promote a positive environment in your home? Pray with your spouse, confess any negative attitudes, and ask for forgiveness. Ask God to reveal areas of negativity that you need to change.

4. You and your spouse need to be positive and united. If one parent is negative and the other is positive, you will not be able to establish complete open communication.

5. Read "Battlecry For a Generation," by Ron Luce. This book provides strategies and insights into the culture of today's youth. Negativity isn't just a problem, it's a battle. Also, read Joyce Meyer's "Battlefield of the Mind" (there is also a teen version).

6. Talk to other trusted, influential Christian adults (pastors, teachers, coaches, youth leaders, relatives, mature believers) in your child's life. Ask them to hold you accountable for the words you speak. Also ask them to speak positive things into the life of your child and to share any observations they have.

7. Start conversations with positive encouragement; don't immediately criticize your child.

8. Confess previous negativity and apologize for any time you tore your child down. Use this time of confession as an opportunity to emphasize the importance of speaking to one another in love.

9. Ask your child for suggestions on how to improve communication. Praise your child for sharing feelings and thoughts.

10. Speak words of affirmation - positive statements and judgments - over your child's life. Build your child up with praise.

11. When confronting your child, don't say "you always" or "you never" statements; they are extreme, incorrect and judgmental. The fact is that no one always or never does something. Parents usually say these words in frustration. But these words are not effective when arguing.

12. Don't compare one child to another child. The comparison will give your child feelings of inferiority and will build a negative mindset.

13. Use the Skillet song I referred to earlier ("The Older I Get") as a tool. Listen to the song and share it with your child. Talk about the effects of broken relationships and communication voids.

14. Love your child by speaking in your child's love language. Your child will appreciate it if you communicate in the way your child feels most loved. If you don't know the love language your child prefers, observe how your child expresses love to you and to others. Also read "The Five Languages of Children," by Gary Chapman.

When you apply these principles to your family communication patterns, you will eliminate negativity and create an environment where your children will feel safe in communicating with you in something other than one-word answers or silence.