aising teenagers is tough. But being a teenager isn’t easy, either. They’re confused. They’re stuck in a state of limbo between childhood reliance on parents and the vast open world of reliance on themselves in adulthood. They want so badly to grow up, yet they know they still need their parents’ support and guidance. They resent that – they want to be free from the parental ball and chain.
The aching desire to grow up makes teenagers ripe for the lures of worldly temptations. How can we, as parents, cope with this? How can we raise our children to battle worldly temptations and win?
We can rely on the wisdom of Solomon in Proverbs 22:6 when teaching our children the basics of Christianity. “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” When our children are small, we can take them to Sunday School, sing religious lullabies, share bedtime prayers and read Bible stories to them. We can try to create Christian core values in our young ones, hoping those values will be the glue that holds their lives together as they grow up. This verse in Proverbs reassures parents that it is possible.
Unfortunately, Solomon did not write, “…and when he is a teenager he will not turn from it.” Many teenagers occasionally stray from the basic principles instilled by their parents. Teenagers get tired of being good and they rebel, engaging in activities they know are bad for them.
Drinking, smoking, sex … just show up at any unsupervised teenage party and you’ll find it all, luring teenagers into believing that participation will make them more adult-like. We all know that drinking leads to drunk driving, smoking causes cancer, having sex spreads diseases and makes mothers out of young girls. Teenagers know the risks, but they take them anyway. It’s fun, it’s freeing and it makes them feel mature.
As parents, we can teach our children the difference between right and wrong. We can teach them that premarital sex is immoral and leads to adverse consequences. We can abstain from alcohol and smoking in the hopes of setting a good example. But, frankly, sometimes it doesn’t matter how we raise our children or what we teach them. They are going to do what they want to do.
A pastor and his wife experienced this rebellion with their own teenage daughter. “Jim” and “Marge” were, in their congregation’s opinion, among the best parents in the world. They were wholesome and loving, raising their children with Christian principles, both through teaching and example. But one of their daughters rebelled. She experimented with drugs and alcohol and became pregnant before the age of 18.
Jim and Marge were devastated by their daughter’s behavior, but they had faith that the seeds they planted in their daughter would not just disappear. Today, their daughter is married with three children. She and her husband lead godly lives and are good, moral people in their community.
Another woman, Barbara, faced a similar experience with her teenage daughter, one that she handled amazingly well. Her fifteen-year-old daughter approached her one evening and told Barbara that she had been keeping a secret. “One night our teenage son had a friend over,” Barbara explains. “Late that night, after my husband and I had gone to bed, she and my son’s friend began to flirt and play around and eventually had sex.”
Many parents’ initial reaction would be to yell, cry, call names or throw things. Barbara, on the other hand, reacted differently. “I silently prayed, asking the Lord to help me handle the situation and to say the right thing,” she says. “And then I asked my daughter if she’d been feeling guilty. She nodded and began weeping.”
“1 John 1:9 came to mind,” Barbara says. “I wanted to let her know that if she confessed her sin, God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I asked her if she had confessed her sin and asked forgiveness. She nodded again. I told her not to let the devil harass her with any more guilt.”
Barbara went on to discuss the risks and consequences associated with premarital sex and the unalterable fact that her daughter’s future husband would not be her first sexual partner.
Although she was heartbroken that her daughter had succumbed to teenage sexual pressures, Barbara wanted to teach her daughter that we all make mistakes and that, when we ask Christ for forgiveness, we can move on without a life filled with guilt.
Barbara could have handled the situation much differently. For instance, she might have looked at her daughter with disdain and shame. She might easily have grown angry and turned her back on her daughter, causing her daughter to experience even more guilt. Instead, she turned to the Lord for guidance. Barbara approached her daughter with love and acceptance – the kind of love and acceptance that Jesus gave and taught.
Let’s face it, parents. We all make mistakes. We all sin. Our teenagers are certainly no exception, especially in the face of an enticing world that promises fun and freedom in “mature” activities. And when our teenagers succumb, it is our responsibility to help them get back on the right track, teaching them that with Christ’s forgiveness and their repentance, they can let go of any residual guilt and find true freedom and maturity.
Solomon wasn’t wrong. But he made the point of writing, “when he is old he will not turn from it.” If we instill basic morals and godly principles in our children, we can be assured that no matter what trouble they get into, if they believe in Jesus Christ as Savior, they are redeemed by the act of his crucifixion and resurrection and they will return to their Christian principles.
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