id you ever pass a serious auto accident on the road that brought glaring memories to your mind of a near-fatal crisis in your life?
Memories of seemingly unending pain dashed through Lou’s mind as her memories were shocked into recall at the car accident she and her child had suffered. Lou’s baby was nine months old when his soft head hit the dashboard. He had a fractured skull and bone in his brain; his head was split open like a nut. Lou went through the windshield. She had a severe concussion, multiple fractures over the left side of her face, and a broken jaw. She had glass in her eyes and lost the bone under her left eye.
A drunk driver had left his car parked on a curve on the Washington Beltway at night, with no flares or warning lights; there was no lighting on the highway. They hit his car.
Specialists at the hospital said Mark and Lou would die; or, if they lived, Mark would be brain damaged and Lou would be blind. Their lives were hanging by a thread.
Lou’s husband, Joel, asked God to intervene in this helpless situation. He asked family, friends, and churches to pray for his wife and son. He believes that we should “… approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)
Baby Mark was hospitalized for surgeries. Six months after their auto accident, a surgeon put a plastic plate in Mark’s head to protect his brain where he had lost bone. When he was five years old, a pediatric plastic surgeon removed one of Mark’s ribs, made rib grafts, and put split rib grafts in his head to replace his plastic plate. His rib grew back.
Lou was hospitalized ten times in two years.
What can parents do when coping with the life-threatening condition of their child? Christians have the privilege of going to the Lord.
During stressful times, when fragile life is slipping away and our trials seem insurmountable, we can find rest for our souls when we seek God and meditate in the truths of his Word. We can join Isaiah and praise God, “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.” (Isaiah 26:3) God provides his overwhelming peace.
Psalm 91:4 explains, “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.”
We grow from the pain we experience; we become better able to help others who suffer in similar ways. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
We can take what we learn through trials as our opportunity to be “wounded healers” and reach out and listen, be there, and give a helping hand to those who hurt. As Henri J.M. Nouwen, author of “Wounded Healer” (Doubleday, 1972) wrote, our own woundedness can serve as a source of strength and healing when counseling others.
It is important to remember also that people watch believers when trials and pain enter Christians’ lives. They want to know if the Christian’s faith is real.
Reverend Dr. Steve Sells is a discerning leader of pastors; he has done extensive counseling for over 30 years. Today, as director of missions of the Savannah Baptist Association, he listens to pastors, church leaders, and individuals as they share the pain and joy they experience in the association of churches he leads. Steve and his wife Shirley are known as leaders who have a heart to serve.
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Dr. Sells has advice for parents who are coping with the life-threatening condition of their children. “We don’t understand why things happen the way they happen in the world. But when these things occur, we must trust in the providence, understanding, and knowledge that God has, and that we don’t have. Exercise faith in God, that he knows what is best. As Christians, we must understand that God has all of life under control. Realize that you must learn to accept God’s will and trust the Lord, your loving Father, to do what is right.”
He continues: “My practical advice for you is that prayer changes situations. James 5:14 says, “Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him….” Trust in God. Luke 18:1 says “… always pray and not give up.” Pray with your child. Pray for your child. Ask your family, friends, and pastor to intervene and ask God to help your child. James 5:16 tells us, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16)
First of all, Christian parents must thank God for their child and the life of the child. Praise the Lord for what the child means to you and your family. A spirit of thanks can only come from God the Holy Spirit, and that will minister to your child and to you.
Think of your child’s best interest first. Try to make the best of the time of illness the child has, and spend more real quality time with that child. Help the child understand what is happening: explain the condition to the child. Explain that, even if the child doesn’t understand, God is all-knowing, so by faith we must accept the condition. A sovereign God has our lives in his hands.
Say, for example, "OK, God, I don’t understand; but I’ll place my life in your hands. Whatever comes of this, I’ll accept as your will.” Paul shares in Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
When the trauma is over, the parents who just experienced a life-threatening condition of their child need time alone to be together and talk. A new environment provides a fresh start to build and strengthen their relationship as a couple — whether it’s a weekend getaway, a marriage seminar, or going to their special place to rest in their love.
They can learn to look at one another and say, “it wasn’t your fault or mine; we are good parents.” Together, they can “Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near.” (Isaiah 55:6)
With God’s grace, the parents can become wounded healers and reach out to minister to others in Jesus’ name. They know that deep chasm in the hearts and lives of parents whose child is hurt. They can witness how God the Holy Spirit came alongside to carry them through their deepest distress.
They can share how other parents facing similar duress can face their trauma. These parents whom God allowed to become wounded healers can positively take what Satan meant for harm and use it for good to help others.
In God’s love they’ll put their arms around another grieving parent and say, “I understand. I know your pain. Let’s talk about it.” Their awareness and insight can be a powerful testimony and turn a negative experience into a positive one for God’s glory.
God’s Word informs us in Proverbs 14:15 that “A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps.” When you feel helpless in your child’s life-threatening situation, take these positive steps for change:
- Pray. Ask God for guidance and open doors.
- Read your Bible and memorize Scripture. God will bring Bible verses to your mind to grant wisdom, to comfort and sustain you, and to share with others.
- Seek a godly, professional counselor or minister. It is important to talk about what you are experiencing.
- Don’t exclude your spouse or others who are close to you; they are hurting too. Deal with your pain together. You’ll grow strong in your relationships when you deal with difficulties together.
- Stress takes a toll on bodies. Take care of yourself. You need to think clearly to make decisions. Get sufficient sleep.
- Get exercise; it clears your mind and relieves stress. Take a walk, ride a bike, or go for a swim.
- Don’t get angry with medical professionals. They’re there to serve. If a situation requires change, ask for a second professional opinion.
- If an illegal act caused harm to your child, do not allow anger or hate to control you. Jesus said, “… Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44) Let the authorities take care of those who break the law.
Without the grace of God, our wounds never heal. God comes to us when we are in pain, like rain on the desert. He intervenes and ministers to our hearts and spirits. Then we can say with the psalmist David, “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’” (Psalm 91:1-2)
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